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The Daily Tonic: Hot Panda Action

 

Phoebe Waller Bridge has just set up the Fleabag Support Fund on behalf of our dear friends at the Soho Theatre for freelancers in the theatre industry. You can support it – and other NHS charities – by streaming FLEABAG NT LIVE, a performance from the West End run of the play last year, for a donation as small as £4.
[Watch Fleabag Live at Soho Theatre: On Demand]
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A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe
* Westlife’s ring request!
* The most erotic thing since lunchtime!
* PLUS: Your 21st audio round…
>> A Blue birthday <<
Struck down with hat hair
 

We’d like to wish a very happy birthday to Duncan James. It must be annoying to have your big day blighted by a national lockdown, but maybe it’s best he’s staying indoors for it.

One reader remembers bumping into Duncan while out celebrating in St Albans a few years ago. He found Dunc pleading with a bouncer to be let in to a bar called The Snug with his baseball cap on as he didn’t want to take if off and “get papped with hat hair.”

The bouncer didn’t much care for that excuse.

And cared even less when he followed it with “But I’m Duncan from Blue!”

KL writes: “I once peed in the cubicle next to Nicole Scherzinger at the Brit Awards and can confirm she washed her hands afterwards. She did wait for me to start peeing until she started peeing though. Not sure if it was on purpose or not.”
>> Question time <<
Matters of the art
 

Thanks for all your stories of celebrity chat-up lines. We’re going to hold some back so that you don’t get unmanageably horny hearing them all in one go – but seeing as you were so prolific with secret celebrity pop stars, we have another question in a similar vein.

Today’s Question: Who is the strangest celebrity you know that has a secret sideline in art?

Portraiture, sculpture, photography – whatever the medium, we want to hear about it. Send your examples of celebrity Caravaggios to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll swap a goody bundle for the best/weirdest.

Combining the two: Neil Buchanan from Art Attack plays guitar in a metal band called Marseille. [Check out a piping hot Buchanan solo at 1’40]
>> Worstlife <<
#1: If you like it…
 

BJ writes:
“I was in the same bar as Westlife in the early 00s. I didn’t recognise him at the time but Shane Filan asked me if the ring I was wearing was an engagement ring. I said it wasn’t. Then he asked me to ‘Bend over and show us your other one!’

“No, it didn’t work.”

JK writes: “The late jazz singer George Melly favoured the chat-up line ‘Take me – I’m the easiest lay in town.’ He’s reputed to have had moderate success with it.”
>> Silver tongued celebs <<
#2: An assortment of others
 

CG writes:
“A friend was sitting next to his girlfriend in an upmarket London nightclub in the 80s when Lemmy walked up and said ‘There’s better looking women in here with uglier men than me. Want a drink?’ She declined, so he literally walked two feet to the next woman and repeated it. Crashed and burned there too.”

delicious writes:
“Sometime in the mid-to-late 00s, I got given an invite to go to George Lamb’s birthday party at Sketch. His dad Larry was there. Old enough to be my grandad, but still hot for his age. I asked him to dance and his response was, ‘Not tonight, but I’d have you on the floor. And I don’t mean the dance floor…'”

BH writes:
“I was asked to walk a gentleman to the restaurant at work. He never used lifts and was a bit unsteady on his feet. I offered my arm and as we walked down he muttered that I was ‘the most erotic thing since lunchtime’.

“It was John Mortimer, who must have been in his eighties at the time. I didn’t know if it was a compliment. Theatre can be a confusing industry.”

J writes: “A lady I used to know several years ago was a contestant on Deal or No Deal. Noel Edmonds took a shine to her and asked her out by saying ‘Date or No Date?’ She went out with him with the blessing of her fiancé who thought it was hilarious.”
>> ‘Members only <<
Chesney likes a threequel
 

This one doesn’t really constitute a chat-up routine, but if anyone else has got into a weird heated debate with a celeb: hello@popbitch.com

AM writes:
“At my final year ball at uni Chesney Hawkes was the guest star. After his set, I was chatting with him whilst a screening of Austin Powers 3: Goldmember was playing on in the background.

“We ended up having a heated debate about whether Goldmember was better than the first film. Hawkes was Goldmember. I was staunchly International Man of Mystery.”

Chesney Hawkes was once in a skateboarding gang with Justin Lee Collins and Craig Charles called ‘Bastard Bombers’.
>> Quarantunes <<
Another ten tracks for you
 

21 today! Give or take a couple of accidental double-inclusions, as of this moment you’ve been asked to identify 200 songs in our audio rounds so far.

And as of *this* moment…

[…it’s 210]

We’re going to be putting together a full downloadable Easter Weekend Popbitch Popquiz over the next couple of days, so you won’t have to see us twist on about the Popbitch Puzzlebook forever in this spot. Until then…
[Download your copy here]
>> Hmmms <<
Some afternoon amusement
 

Giant pandas Ying Ying and Le Le mate for the first time at Hong Kong’s Ocean Park
[Hot panda action]

Pissing on your hands = BAD
Shaking Harvey Weinstein’s hands straight after = GOOD
[Ron Perlman: a hand-washing wildcard]

Whitney Houston’s isolated vocals on I Wanna Dance With Somebody
[Hear on YouTube]

Thanks to: AKD, AM, monstris, BH, delicious, CG, JK, BJ, LB, KL
Old Jokes Home
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
Ah, those were the days…

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