The Daily Tonic: Mitchell Bros Security

Today is Cinco de Mayo – a Mexican holiday that most of Mexico doesn’t really bother with, but that Americans go absolutely wild for.

In normal years, Cinco de Mayo generates more beer sales in the US than the Super Bowl or St Patrick’s Day – which is why it has earned itself the nickname “Cinco de Drinko”.

Quite what will happen this year is unclear though as Mexico’s biggest drinks brand in the US is… Corona.

Aching try-hard Elon Musk is telling people that he and Grimes have named their newborn ‘X Æ A-12’, ushering in a brand new era of batshit celebrity baby names.

But before we leave the current era behind we want to know about the weirdest celebrity baby-naming habits you know of. Obviously we know most of the classics, but there must be plenty of wacky ones that have flown under the radar a bit.

Today’s Question: Which celebrity parents have inflicted unusual names upon their kids?

Send your stories of strangely named celeb spawn to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send out some electronic prizes to the ones we like best.

Much like Brigitte Nielsen – who left behind a copy of her autobiography for the people who moved into her otherwise utterly empty flat in Notting Hill – Bronski Beat and Communards singer Jimmy Somerville left his buyers a little something as a moving in gift too.

When he sold his house in Islington some years back, he left behind a large oil painting of himself. In which he was portrayed as a naked saint, with a huge snake wrapped round him.

Know of any other celebs who have arranged such thoughtful welcome gifts? hello@popbitch.com

A relatively niche side-hustle – but one that leaves a definite impression – is the celebrity dildo.

In some cases, it’s just people lending their names or branding to sex toys. Like Machine Gun Kelly (who brought out the Lil Devil earlier this year) or Motley Crue and Motorhead (who brought out their own range of vibrators with Lovehoney a while back).

More impressive are the celebs who lend their actual measurements to the toys.

Warren Cuccurullo, sometime Duran Duran guitarist, had the ‘Rock Rod’ crafted to model his own penis – an asset he’s never been shy about showing off, as he did in this Brazilian grumble mag (NSFW)

Rammstein went one better though and had the entire band model for their range, a six-part set which came in a special presentation case with handcuffs and lube.

anon writes:

“About 10 years ago I spent the afternoon at the Paxton pub in Gipsy Hill. The pub had a big beer garden and was a great place to hang out because parents could get pissed and their kids could run around in the garden.

“A friend’s son had just been potty trained, meaning that when he needed to go, he needed to go. At one point he announced that he needed a poo and ran straight into the pub. He was followed quickly by his mother but, because she couldn’t see where he had gone, she was wandering around shouting his name.

“Steve McFadden came out of the gents and asked if she was looking for a small boy, because there was one in the gents who needed his bum wiped. She said yes – so Steve McFadden guarded the door for her for several minutes while she went in and sorted it out.”

You know the drill. Ten songs scraped from the far flung corners of our music library, chopped up and mushed together without much grace.

You get a point for naming the song. You get a point for naming the artist. There’s twenty points in total – and you know what points mean…

[…nothing]

Celebrities are selling their wares on eBay in aid of Refuge. Joan Collins, Katie Price, Craig Revel Horwood, Alexandra Burke, Helen Mirren – and more
[Get bidding]

Breakbot’s Lockdown Boogie
[Listen on YouTube]

TfL have made some Zoom backgrounds if you want to recreate the thrill of taking the bus or DLR
[Download one here]