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“Wanting 32 musicians on stage in a small theatre is not the same as wanting an ape with a leather motorcycle cap and multicoloured teeth” – Madonna |
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* The Prince and the packed pants
* The Princess and the poached salmon
* PLUS: On the throne with Diego |
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>> Edi-tricks << |
Mad chat from media circles |
When the editor of the Evening Standard announced she was stepping down around the same time that Boris Johnson resigned as PM, it set a lot of tongues wagging about the possibility of Boris gliding right back into journalism as the Standard’s new editor.
A perfectly plausible rumour – but there was a much funnier one doing the rounds at London media summer parties this year. Namely, that Evgeny Lebedev had briefly been toying with giving the editorship to… Liz Hurley. |
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Set an alarm for your lunch hour tomorrow: the result of the Wagatha Christie trial is expected at noon. |
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>> Crown jewels << |
Fit for a prince |
A pair of Prince Harry’s pants are due to be auctioned off at the Hustler Club in Las Vegas; a memento that a former stripper claims Harry handed to her on the night of his naked hijinks in the city.
They must be some pretty big pants to justify the £800,000 price tag she’s banking on – but a crew member who worked the Invictus Games in Toronto and stood next to Harry at the urinals reckons they’d have to be.
“Looked like a forearm” was the memorable description. |
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Where will Vanessa Feltz go now that she’s leaving Radio 2? We’ve been told to keep our eyes on Jeremy Kyle’s afternoon slot on TalkTV. |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which Labour MP has had a rather rocky relationship with one of his parliamentary colleagues ever since he copped off with their daughter at a party conference one year? |
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[Get yours now] |
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>> Russian dirt << |
On the throne with Diego |
At the last World Cup, Russian authorities invited a number of international footballing legends to the Kremlin to conduct the draws for each group. Among them was Diego Maradona, who was left in charge of Group G.
Shortly before the event began there was a bit of a lull where the celebrity guests could peel off for a break, get a glass of water, have a cigarette etc. Maradona took the opportunity to wander off into the depths of the building in search of a toilet, obviously high as a kite and shouting into the phone he had glued to his ear.
One of the FIFA team followed him in shortly after, to the unforgettable sight of Maradona sat on one of the urinals, his pants around his ankles, still barking into his phone.
Taking an absolutely enormous shit. |
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Olivia Rodrigo’s Sour has become the first album on Spotify to have every single one of its tracks streamed 200m+ times. |
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>> Gagging order << |
A 1975 sense of humour |
A while back we mentioned that a Brit-winning band was bracing for a #MeToo moment after accusations had emerged online that one of their entourage had been leveraging his proximity to the band to sexually harass their fans.
That band was The 1975 and, after their management investigated fans’ claims, they quietly cut ties with the accused menace.
A pretty grim situation, but Matty Healy has managed to find the lighter side of it all. He’s been digging through year-old DMs from fans who had been asking him to speak out about their sex pest mate – and posting them to Instagram Stories with joke captions, pretending that concerned fans were actually asking him to weigh in on Jesy Nelson’s departure from Little Mix.
Not sure the band’s new PR team will find it quite so funny… |
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RIP Paul Sorvino: His method of politely getting away from fans? Shaking a hand, then putting his hand on their back and saying “Now, I’m gonna have to turn my back on you.” |
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>> SpiderScam << |
Casting a web of lies |
It’s Glorious Goodwood this week and ITV has been experimenting with moving its coverage of the opening show from TV to Twitter Spaces – where they managed to drum up a whopping 211 people to listen in. It’s a shame as presenter Oli Bell relayed a fantastic anecdote on Tuesday.
Earlier this summer, Tom Holland’s people contacted Doncaster racecourse to say their client wanted to come to the races, and if they provided a box for him and his friends then he’d do a promo interview with them. Anxious to secure the A-list actor, the racecourse happily agreed and signed Oli Bell up to come and do the interview.
When Oli arrived, however, he found that he was actually set to interview a bloke from Barnsley who’d turned up in a Spiderman suit and was just on his stag do. |
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[Play Pick My Postcode here] |
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>> Don’t look up << |
A moment to reflect |
The Labour Party scored a strange own goal yesterday by sacking an MP who chose to join striking workers on the picket line. If they think relegating Sam Tarry to the backbenches is going to solve any problems, they should know that Sam is not afraid to make himself visible. Very visible.
Someone who once had the pleasure of spending a night with him remembers there being a mirrored ceiling. |
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Just when you think you’ve got a handle on how insular the Old Boys Club in Westminster is, a little nugget of gossip comes your way to suggest it’s even tighter than you first thought. We were told this week that Tom Tugendhat’s childhood babysitter was… Boris Johnson! |
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>> Fall guy << |
Barcelona FC: in hot water |
Neymar is the latest courtbound embarrassment for Barcelona FC. He’s going on trial for “transfer irregularities” – along with the last two Barca presidents, Josep Maria Bartomeu and Sandro Rosell.
That Barca’s presidents have a nose for trouble is not exactly news. Rosell has already spent time in jail on money laundering charges and Josep Lluis Nunez was sentenced to two years for embezzlement. But it’s worth pointing out there were occasional flashes of honour among the top brass at Barcelona.
Simon Kupa’s book on the club has a great story about ex-president Joan Gaspart. A hotelier by trade, Gaspart once worked as a waiter in London’s Connaught Hotel in the 70s. One day, while serving poached salmon in boiling water to Princess Grace of Monaco, the plate overbalanced. To ensure Princess Grace was not scalded, Gaspart threw himself under the toppling plate so that all the hot water fell on him. After which he fainted, and spent three days recovering in hospital.
On the upside, he was named Connaught’s Employee of the Month that month. |
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The average viewing time of a TalkTV viewer in May, per the latest BARB figures: 8 seconds. |
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>> Easy rider << |
Tales from the backseat |
A sweet celebrity snippet we read from our sickbed last week was this little anecdote from rapper Loyle Carner – just about as neat a story of modern celebrity as you can fit in three short sentences.
Loyle Carner, when asked about the best thing a cabbie ever said to him:
“I once asked a cab driver who he’d had in his car recently. He said he’d taken Loyle Carner on a trip but he wasn’t very interesting. He never turned round so didn’t realise it was me again.” |
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ADVERTISE WITH POPBITCH: Hundreds of thousands of well-connected subscribers read this newsletter every week. So if your campaign is solid enough to stand side-by-side with all the latest scandal and slander, we’re keen to hear from you… Email olivia@popbitch.com |
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Thanks to: GR, monstris, bobbifleckmann, GP, CF, TG, C, MM, JON, MK, JJ, JS, AW, intheissynoho, gentlemanthug – and everyone who sent us a get well soon/stop fucking slacking message last week. |
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Old Jokes Home
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He’s fully recovered.
Still Bored?
Being sick last week means we didn’t get to bring you Shane Corn, Kale Bush, Ri-yam-a and the rest of the 2022 Lambeth Country Show veg sculpting contest…
[See on Brixton Buzz] |
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