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The Trouser Streisand Effect

 

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* Robinson’s extra juicy fruit
* The curse of Carey continues
* PLUS: Crazy frogs all the way down
>> Spilling the tea <<
Strange Turner events
 

Anthea Turner became the internet’s main character last weekend after getting embroiled in a row for suggesting people’s “lazy lifestyle choices” were the real burden on the NHS, while she had worked hard to protect it.

If Anthea’s so concerned about how other people’s lifestyle choices have an impact on our national services, perhaps her efforts would be better focused a little closer to home? After all, her new fiancé, Mark Armstrong, didn’t exactly have society’s best interests at heart when he went loopy on magic mushrooms at a New Year’s Eve party and ended up biting a policeman, did he?

And if friends are to be believed, mushroom tea isn’t the only weekend indulgence of theirs that doctors wouldn’t recommend…

Congratulations to Paris Hilton – announcing her fourth engagement on her 40th birthday. Her very first fiancé, model Jason Shaw, is now a top tattoo artist in Ohio.
>> Spit happens <<
Anne Robinson’s juicy fruit
 

New Countdown host Anne Robinson couldn’t have picked a better time to stage her big comeback. With health and safety regulations as rigorous as they currently are, she might finally be able to enjoy some unmolested snacks backstage.

During her stint on The Weakest Link, her cantankerous ‘persona’ was so all-consuming that it often bled into her off-stage behaviour. Which meant that the fruit salads she requested each day very rarely made it to her without someone gobbing in them first.

A former Watchdog producer told us Anne Robinson once complained that the kiwi fruit in her fruitbowl was “too hairy”. Rather than find her a new one, catering staff just gave it a quick trim with some scissors and put it back.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which married Tory MP – clearly not content with the constant daily drama at work – is managing to make their home life as complicated as possible too, thanks to the suspected rekindling of a former flame?

If dry January is a distant memory and you’re feeling rough, Potion Life can help. After Party is a shot of electrolytes, Vitamins B and C, turmeric, milk thistle, willow bark and amla to revive the morning after the night before. 50% off orders over £20 with code POPBITCH
[Try at Potion Life]
>> Voice of reason <<
Down under on her luck
 

If Rita Ora was hoping to get a slightly easier time of it over in Australia, then things aren’t going to plan. The poor lamb just can’t catch a break at the minute.

Partly that’s the fault of Channel 7, who spent months trying to get positive coverage for their revamped version of The Voice by hinting Mariah Carey was lined up to be a judge – only to end up revealing they’d given the seat to Rita instead.

Local press coverage hasn’t helped boost her profile either. After news of her breaking UK Covid guidelines and skipping the quarantine queue in Oz, comparisons have been drawn between Rita’s comparatively flashy isolation in a luxury Sydney suite and that of beloved homegrown pop queen, Kylie (who did hers quietly, in an unassuming Melbourne hotel).

Headlining Sydney’s Mardi Gras must have seemed like a surefire way to get good press, but the announcement has bristled with LGBT music fans who are still annoyed at her ‘gay-for-play’ single Girls a few years back.

And now, to top it all off, her new single – which samples Harold Faltermeyer’s synth classic Axel F – has been released on YouTube, to a Gen-Z comments section that basically reads “lol is this the crazy frog???” all the way down.

Nominative Determinism of the Week: Western Australia’s largest beef processor has just hired a new CEO… Paul Slaughter!
>> Don Juan <<
Bronze face, silver tongue
 

Just on the off-chance you didn’t heave yourself dry at last week’s news that Donald Trump’s nickname for his Playboy mistress was “Hoover Dam” (because “she was always so wet”) here’s some more charming locker room talk that’s emerged since he left office.

During his term, Trump and Apple CEO Tim Cook were both on a conference call with the Chinese government about trade – with a female translator acting as a go-between the two sides of the call. After the call ended, and the Chinese contingent had left, Cook asked Trump what he had thought of their perspective.

Trump’s reply? “I don’t know. I couldn’t concentrate because I was thinking about how big the translator’s tits were.”

There were 1,200 books published about Donald Trump in the four years of his term. The number of books published about Obama during his first term? A measly 500.
>> Mail privilege <<
A positive spin class
 

The word “exclusive” has pretty much lost all meaning in the tabloid world these days, but the MailOnline certainly got a story that no other paper did with this one: “EXCLUSIVE: Victoria Beckham’s beauty range defies the odds amid the pandemic with ‘an incredible profit timeline'”

As Posh’s financial paperwork suggests her beauty range is responsible for a loss of about £4.7m (while her fashion line has lost around £11.8m) that’s a very different line from the one most of the other coverage has gone with.

Wonder who’s been promised the next big interview?

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>> Noel limits <<
The Trouser Streisand effect
 

Last week, we had a story about the strict instructions given to a reader that any promotional cardboard cut-out of Noel Edmonds had to be over six foot – even though he’s only 5’7″. We didn’t realise Noel was so touchy about it, but it seems he really does guard his leg measurements particularly closely.

A menswear shop that was supposed to send him some trousers was asked to supply the garments unfinished (with no hem at the bottom of the leg) as Noel had someone who would turn them up to the correct length – even though the shop was happy to do it for him – all so he didn’t have to divulge an exact measurement.

It struck the tailors as particularly weird, because it would be easy enough to make an educated guess at his height from the size and length of the jacket he’d also ordered from them. But the thought wouldn’t have crossed their mind had he not made such a big deal out of it all in the first place.

More fashion nepotism: March’s Miu Miu Zine cover star is Lila Moss. Arranged by her agent: Kate Moss (mum). Shot by her photographer, Nikolai von Bismarck (mum’s boyfriend). Styled by her stylist, Katie Grand (mum’s mate).
>> Crowning glory <<
Beware the curse of Carey
 

Australian billionaire James Packer hasn’t been having the greatest time of it recently. All poised for a fairytale wedding to Mariah Carey in 2016, everything went tits up at the last minute. She found out he was calling it off by reading it on a magazine cover and immediately demanded $50 million from him, saying she’d uprooted her life for him.

He managed to get away with a relatively modest settlement of $5-10m – but things have only got worse since. Some of his senior staff got arrested in China, necessitating the sale of his flagship Macau resort. Reports of money laundering got into the press. And now his dream billion-dollar Sydney Harbour casino and hotel is all ready to open, but has just had its licence refused.

The lesson here? Don’t fuck with Mariah.

Answers to last week’s Dirty Half-Dozen quiz: 1/ Perry, 2/ David, 3/ Davidson, 4/ Carey, 5/ Gyllenhaal, 6/ Blackwood.
>> Popbitch Popquiz <<
Papa’s got a brand new bundle
 

Ready for the weekend, we’ve just released a brand new Popbitch Popquiz. The Turquoise Edition features eight brand new rounds and contains everything you need to host a Covid-safe version of our legendary pub quiz in the comfort of your own home.

A mix of music, gossip, pop culture puzzles and other challenges, there’s something for everyone – provided you don’t mind discussing koala chlamydia, celebrity ballbags and cocaine tortoises.

The Turquoise Edition is just £5. Or, if you want a bundle of our three 2021 quizzes so far (Coral, Scarlet, Turquoise), you can get that for just £10.

[Get your Popquizzes here]

Win £3,500 this Saturday in the UK’s best value raffles. With £1 tickets and a max 4895 tickets for each raffle, there’s great odds and a guaranteed winner.
[Join now]
>> Hmmms <<
Teletubbies, bin swimming, HD Astley
 

A weirdly captivating real-time tracker of emojis
[emojitracker.com]

Great Twitter thread about nightmare celeb interviewees
[Read on Twitter]

International covers of classic pop songs
[Fun mix on Soundcloud]

Get cinema-grade popcorn boxes delivered to your home in 48 hours. Just £15 for enough popcorn for multiple home screenings.
[www.popcornathome.co.uk]

Best use of AI to date: upscaling Rick Astley into 4K
[See on YouTube]

Can you guess the city from a virtual walk around the streets?
[A fun pandemic game]

Local News Of The Week: London Bin Swimmers Edition
[Read on MyLondon]

An interview with a former Teletubby
[Read on HuffPo]

Unfortunate URL choice by IT giants Fortune Soft
[fortunesoftit.com]

The Schitt’s Creek mansion is up for sale
[See on Zillow]

The mysterious tale of a North Korean defector-turned-South Korean social media star, her disappearance, then re-appearance…
[Read on Marie Claire]

Thanks to: PD, KL, RJC, poshduckhunter, CA, pauline, PK, theabominablehoman, EIB, PJ, EB, PL, CM, NA, LT, KL
Old Jokes Home
Apparently only one shot in six of the Sputnik V vaccinations work.
It’s Russian rollout.

Still Bored?
Join Rebel Reel Cine Club for a live home-screening event of cult classic Harold And Maude on Friday 26th February. With pre-film entertainment, live music, art, quizzes and optional meal kits, brownies and sodas for delivery, enjoy a proper movie experience despite the pandemic…
[Find out more here]

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