The Second Serve // Out On The Tits

The Telegraph’s front page today neatly encapsulates the state of the modern media.

Pictured down the lefthand side is a teaser for Bryony Gordon’s column: “Celebrities Are Giving Opinions As If They Were Politicians”.

Which sits right across the page from a large picture and story – six times its size – about Dame Maureen Lipman’s thoughts on Israel/Gaza.

Gordon Ramsay’s been taking a roasting after a clip from Jake Humphrey’s High Performance podcast started doing the rounds. In it, Ramsay tells the tale of the time he was so “skint” that he tried to cadge £20K off his father-in-law for a flat deposit. His father-in-law’s advice? Maybe Ramsay should sell his Porsche before scrounging off of him.

It’s a laughable lesson in financial prudence for many reasons (not least because that same father-in-law, Chris Hutcheson, was later accused of siphoning a million quid out of Ramsay’s company to help support a secret second family he had). However it’s possible he had other motives for encouraging his son-in-law to ditch his fancy car.

Gordon Ramsay is apparently such a bad driver that the mechanics who work at the official Bentley garage won’t allow him to drive himself in because of the potential damage they reckon he’d cause.

The other fun thing about Gordon Ramsay badgering his father-in-law for money to buy a flat:

Off the back of overseeing Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant empire (and allegedly dipping into the company kitty with quite an open hand) Chris Hutcheson was able to snag himself neighbouring flats on a posh Mayfair street.

He initially wanted to knock the two flats through into one, but failed to get planning permission for it. So instead he just took out part of the adjoining wall, and installed a revolving book case in the hole – creating a secret passage to move seamlessly between the two flats.

Britney’s long-awaited autobiography drops tomorrow and there’s been quite a few juicy previews in the press this last week. One particular snippet that caught the press’s attention was Britney’s recollection of losing her virginity to Justin Timberlake.

“‘Okay, I’m ready. Put it in,’ I said and he replied: ‘It is already in’. My world collapsed.”

If you feel that Britney bringing this up is a low blow, remember Timberlake had no qualms in dabbling in this sort of talk. His stock answer in 2000 to people who asked him if Britney really was still a virgin was “Shit, I dunno… I know her mouth ain’t.”

In happier times, Britney and Justin enjoyed a media portrayal as America’s wholesome sweethearts – but not everyone approved of their relationship.

Michael Jackson once invited Justin  to Neverland. When Timberlake turned up in the limo he’d sent for him with Britney on his arm, Jacko was so furious he refused to open the gate for half an hour.

When they finally did manage to get in, Jacko ignored Britney and went off with Justin.

There’s a lot of talk about the laziness of Hollywood and its over-reliance on established IP – but it’s really nothing new. In fact, Britney was briefly attached to one of the funniest examples from the early 2000s.

It started with an off-Broadway play about a Jewish lawyer representing a Holocaust denier – Denial by Peter Sagal. Tarantino’s producer, Lawrence Bender, was so impressed by it that he commissioned Sagal to write him a new, original screenplay. The result was Cuba Mine: a coming-of-age romance between a young American girl and a Cuban boy, set against the backdrop of the Cuban Revolution.

After a long series of heavy rewrites, Sagal became disillusioned and ended up leaving the project. The screenplay then sat gathering dust on a shelf for a long while until Bender decided to pick it back up and reboot it. After a few more rewrites, a change of title and a few all-important musical numbers, they managed to attract Britney Spears and Ricky Martin to play the two leads.

In a film that was now going by the name… Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.

Last week, we brought you another five quizzes on themes like: B-list Britpop, Hello/Goodbye and songs as heard on Radio Soulwax.

This week, we’ve got another five in the hopper for you. All you have to do is listen to the two-and-a-bit minute mix and identify the ten songs we’ve stuffed into each. You get a point for every title and a point for every band/artist you correctly identify.

Monday’s Theme: Hammer And Tongs

[Play it here]

An oral history of Diamonds And Pearls
[Read on BBC]

Loads of isolated instrumental tracks
[Hear on YouTube]

What happens when you become one of David Sedaris’s funny encounters?
[Read on Slate]