Harry Maguire’s Trampoline Hell

Often at this time of year – when everyone’s off on holiday – we’ll run a Readers’ Letters special, highlighting fun bits of correspondence we’ve had into the Popbitch inbox.

This year, there’s also a couple of bits of gossip kicking about that we found interesting – so we’re going to splice them up and give you a bit of both.

Meanwhile, if you’ve got any hot summertime gossip: hello@popbitch.com

Last year in the Balearics it seemed the worst that could happen to you was getting added to the notorious Tory donors’ groupchat “Right-Wing Ibiza”. That, or fail to get a dinner reservation at Cala Jondal. This year, the downsides are somewhat worse.

There’s an underground criminal gang who have been secretly terrorising the rich and famous.

Their tactic is to pump sedative gas into villas and wait until guests are incapacitated – then break in wearing hazmat suits. No-one inside gets hurt but woozy guests only realise too late that their place has been turned over.

The latest unfortunate to have experienced something along these lines: Nick Grimshaw, on the island with friends to celebrate his 40th.

Which TV presenter’s long-overdue #MeToo trial is scheduled for September? Prosecutors have lined up at least a half-dozen witnesses.

AM writes:
“The Jason Derulo story last week reminded me of the time Harry Maguire and his family were at the same indoor trampoline park as my kids and a bunch of their mates, who were celebrating one of their birthdays.

“The manager of the place had to get involved and tell them off, as they were bouncing round the trampolines singing ‘Harry Maguire, your defending’s terrifying’ to the tune of Freed From Desire. Poor Harry.”

Kay Burley was spotted at Taylor Swift’s Wembley gig last week with twice-suspended Sky News correspondent Inzamam Rashid.

Lockdown buster and Burley bestie Rashid was the one who got caught by Sky last Christmas ringing in sick, only to be papped at Piers Morgan’s party the same night. (Sky had sent a cameraman to doorstep Morgan over a phone-hacking story and found the supposedly bedbound Rashid among the guests.)

His first suspension was for travelling to London to attend another party: the COVID rule-breaking 60th birthday bash of… Kay Burley.

Perhaps Kay feels a bit guilty about it all. But it’s nice to see she doesn’t dump her friends. Rumour in TV is she’s bankrolling Rashid’s lawyers to fight his suspension.

CM writes:
“In the early 80s, I was the manager at the Coffee Shop in the Cumberland Hotel at Marble Arch. Miss Eartha Kitt was staying at the hotel for a few days whilst she was performing at the Hippodrome. We were informed she would be joining us for ‘breakfast’.

“She appeared alone at noon in a beaded cocktail dress, huge heels and full slap.

“‘Miss Kitt, it’s an honour to have you here. The staff would be extremely grateful if you would sign a menu for them,’ I said.

“‘Daaaahlink, I’ll sign anything for you if you bring me a beer,’ she growled.

“And that was her ‘breakfast’ for three days. Precisely at noon, she would arrive alone in a slinky, fabulous dress and ‘breakfast’ was two bottles of Carlsberg and a long, fine cigar.”

André Villas-Boas may have left Chelsea but he can’t tear himself away from London.

The Porto boss was spotted at a Banksy exhibition in Fitzrovia, and then later at The Ship boozer on New Cavendish Street, where he was joined by a gaggle of staff from the gallery.

(Continuing the Stamford Bridge theme of the evening: one of the gallery staff was seen at the end of the night nipping off to buy gak.)

penelope writes:
“In the time when you were still allowed to smoke in restaurants, I sat in a Turkish eatery in Clapham watching Will Young smoking away and chatting to his friend. I had recently given up smoking, but couldn’t quite resist the temptation of lighting up myself. Rather than interrupting his conversation and asking for a fag, I ran across the road to buy some of my own.

“Later, puffing away and waiting for my dinner, I am interrupted by none other than Will Young asking ever so politely whether he can steal a cigarette off me. I told him my story and mentioned my reluctance to ask him for one before – to which he answered, ‘Oh, you should have done! I’m loaded!'”

Given that TikTok is now the place to become world-famous, maybe Universal’s decision to sack almost all of their PRs didn’t feel like a risky gamble.

But that’s their new approach: save a bit of cash by replacing their experienced team of PRs with someone to “oversee media” – and drafting in a load of junior staff on much lower salaries instead.

Compare and contrast with rivals, Warners. They aren’t afraid to throw a bit of cash about to get who they want. As a matter of fact, they’ve just hired a new CEO for Atlantic.

Elliot Grainge. Son of Lucian Grainge – the CEO and Chairman of… Universal.

Chappell Roan x Fleetwood Mac
[Listen on TikTok]

Smugglers disguise $5m of meth as melons
[See on CBP]

The site of some of the Beatles’ earliest gigs is now an AirBnB
[Dystopian link of the day]

Why does every Netflix show look the same?
[Esquire investigates]

Are you a toxic gig-goer?
[Read on the Independent]

The singing widower of “globally famous gay penguin” Sphen
[Read on the Guardian]

New Zealand swan joins Tinder
[Read on Stuff]

Who is the greatest movie actor? A statistical analysis
[Read on StatSignificant]

Still Bored?
A playlist of Olympic Breakdancing Tracks
[Play on Spotify]