The Daily Tonic: Hamsterkauf

There’s a lot of people who need our thoughts and support right now, but chief among them is Jason Cundy. Not only is there currently no football on for him to discuss on his TalkSport radio show, the nationwide run on toiletries means he’s probably going to have to temporarily adjust his wasteful bum-wiping habits.

Cundy’s preferred method of wiping is to scrunch a big bunch of paper handtowels around his fist – sort of like a human cottonbud – which he douses in water and then rubs away until he’s squeaky clean.

A number of years ago, a young drama student in need of a bit of cash took a job at porn-supremo David Sullivan’s warehouse, helping to pack up and ship out orders of dildos and other assorted sexual apparatus.

For reasons that are now lost to the mists of time, this new kid earned himself a nickname from the old hands on the warehouse floor. They called him “Chicken Fucker” – and they still do if they ever see him out and about.

Even though he’s now much better known to most people as “Idris Elba”.

Former It Girl Caprice went the other sort of viral yesterday after she appeared on the Jeremy Vine Show and got into a spat about epidemiology with the doctor they’d brought on as an expert voice.

She’s been widely mocked for trying to go toe-to-toe with a trained medic but, in fairness to Caprice, she’s always shown great curiosity when it comes to learning new things.

For instance, when she attended a Comic Relief launch at Madame Tussauds in London back in her heyday, her first words upon entering were: “Hey, this place is cool! Those models look just like famous people! I wonder how they do that?”

As we’ve been looking back through the archives, it dawned on us that the statute of limitations must have passed on some of the Big Questions that we’ve posed in the past – and here seems as good a place as any to reveal the answers.

We’ll see which ones our lawyers will let us let slip but, in the meantime, one that we’ve always found kind of charming was from Issue 354:

“Which celebrity guest got steaming drunk at John Terry’s wedding and spent the evening on the mirrored dancefloor loudly telling the other female guests what colour pants they were wearing?”

It was the Nation’s Sweetheart… Cheryl Cole!

Part of the reason we set up this daily newsletter was to act as a temporary replacement for the type of office chatter you miss out on when working from home. To that end, we thought we’d toss a daily question into each issue to spark a bit of conversation.

Today’s question: Who is the most unusual celebrity you’ve had to deal with in the course of your work?

Email hello@popbitch.com and tell us your tales. We’ll arrange some sort of token prize for our favourite.

As the UK government has advised people against going to bars and restaurants, it looks as if the Popbitch Popquiz will be on a slight hiatus – but that’s no reason to stop it altogether.

In place of a bricks-and-mortar quiz IRL, we’ll throw a quick quiz round into some of these emails instead. A little something for you to do as an afternoon break.

Today, in honour of St Patrick’s Day, we’ve got an audio round for you to try your hand at. Ten songs all mixed together: a point for the artist, a point for the song title, twenty points in total.

[Play it here]

Arnold Schwarzenegger feeding his pet donkey
[See on Twitter]

Addictive Browser Game of the Day: A Small World Cup
[Basically rag doll Subbuteo]

Phillip Schofield’s recipe for ‘Pea Sandwich’ might come in helpful when rations start to get scarce
[Bon appetit!]

But none of them work.