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“After this show comes out, there’s no dignity for me whatsoever. I’m exposed, I’m naked, I’m drinking piss, I’ve got my tits out, I’m throwing up” – Kerry Katona |
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Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Curse of the stepo-baby
* Croatian dove creation
* PLUS: Judicial Barbitration |
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| >> Get licky << |
| Murdoch’s passion project |
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It’s been a tough week for the romantics among us, hearing that Rupert Murdoch and Ann Lesley Smith have broken their engagement just two weeks in. Still, being freed from the prospect of a fifth marriage means that Rupert will now have more time to devote to his favourite hobby.
The thing he loves to do on the rare moments he downs tools and isn’t thinking about his media empire? He’s an absolute fiend for going down on ladies, apparently. |
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| Searches for Stormy Daniels on PornHub went up 32,400% on the day of Trump’s arrest. |
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| >> Top billing << |
| 1D: going for a song |
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How much do you reckon it costs to get Niall Horan to sing at your wedding? Not counting any extras like travel, hotels or hiring a band to join him – just Niall. What do you reckon? £800,000?
Yes! Spot on.
Of course, he wouldn’t dream of charging that for the people he knows and loves. He offers a ‘Friends And Family’ discount. For his nearest and dearest, he’s prepared to knock a full fifty grand off the regular price. A snip at just £750,000! |
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| Best rumour we’ve heard this week: that Ed O’Brien from Radiohead has just bought a mountain in Wales. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
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Which Popbitch messageboard poster once did E with Carol Vorderman? (We’re not asking to be coy; we genuinely can’t remember. Drop us a line if it was you… hello@popbitch.com) |
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You’ll be up to your eyeballs in chocolate by this time next week, but how about giving Zymi a try? Greek-Cypriot goodies direct to your door – home-made baklava and more. To unlock 10% off your first order, use the code BAKLAVABITCH
[Order here] or [Follow us on Instagram] |
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| >> Eurobits << |
| One to keep an eye on |
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The running order for this year’s Eurovision semi-finals has been drawn up and Croatian punk band Let 3 have been placed in the first half of the first semi. Organisers probably would have felt a little safer if they’d been drawn after the watershed as the band’s live performances can be a tad… unpredictable.
The band once caused a Sunday afternoon talkshow in Croatia to be taken off air early – not just because of their continual swearing (dropping the Croatian words for “fuck”, “dick” and “piss” throughout, as well as a phrase that translates to English as “river cunt”).
Midway through their interview, one band member summoned a live dove from his underpants which flew across the studio. But the show really came off the rails around 2:50pm when two of them had their pants pulled down and they tried to pop corks out of their arseholes.
[If you want to see it] |
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| For the first time in decades (possibly ever) this year’s Eurovision features no entries with key changes. |
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| >> Star power << |
| The Zodiac booker |
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was booked on Late Night with Seth Myers on Tuesday; an appearance that very neatly timed with Trump’s arrest and arraignment. She and Seth insisted it was total coincidence, that her appearance had been booked a long time in advance – but there’ll be at least one DC insider convinced this was all written in the stars.
Early on in her career, AOC once had a campaign manager who took a very mysterious approach to media bookings. One day, she called AOC in a state of intense agitation, demanding to know why she had booked in to do media appearances “today of all days”.
Unsure what the significance of the date was, or what horrendous faux pas she had set herself up for, a panicked AOC immediately offered to cancel the appearances, asking what the problem was.
“Mercury is in retrograde!” came the earnest answer. |
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| Nominative Determinism Of The Week: one of the props department on My Policeman (the Harry Styles film about two male lovers, one of whom is in the force) is called… Lorna Gay Copp! |
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| >> Barbitration << |
| A chilling effect on free speech |
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The trailer for Greta Gerwig’s new Barbie film seems to have been very well received so far, but secretly we’re hoping for it to cause a bit of a blow-up.
When Aqua released Barbie Girl in 1997, all hell broke loose with Mattel – who ended up taking them to court over it. As well as claiming trademark infringement, Mattel took objection to Aqua’s portrayal of Barbie as a “promiscuous” bimbo and Ken as “licentious”.
The record label countersued for defamation, after Mattel likened them to “bankrobber[s] handing a note of apology to a teller during a heist”.
If you think all of this is a bit much fuss over what was just a goofy pop song, you’re in total agreement with the judge. He concluded his judgment with what might be the finest sentence in pop culture litigation:
“The parties are advised to chill”. |
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| Because of Mattel Inc v MCA Records Inc (2002) the full lyrics to Aqua’s Barbie Girl now exist in the US Federal Court Record. |
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| >> Uni-lateral << |
| Comment: not always free |
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Over the weekend, the Guardian ran an article about how the quiz show University Challenge is unfairly biased towards Oxbridge, because each college of Cambridge and Oxford is invited to enter – rather than the university as a whole (like everywhere else).
The comments section below the article was surprisingly heavily moderated, with a significant number of them getting deleted. What was kicking off down there?
Mostly readers asking about the percentage of Guardian journalists who have an Oxbridge background. |
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Not written a will yet, because it’s boring / expensive / a hassle? Now you can sort it online in just 15 mins, and update it easily whenever life changes. Beyond is rated ‘Excellent’ on TrustPilot and trusted by 1,000s of families. Normally £90, but save 25% with code POPBITCH25.
[Try it for free here] |
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| >> Stepo-baby << |
| More real life Succession |
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It’s always sad when children get snagged in the gears of divorce. When Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch first got together, Rupert couldn’t do enough for Jerry’s son Gabriel. He backed his media production company (whynow) to the tune of several hundred thousand – commissioning it to make exclusive online content for the Sunday Times Culture Show – and all was rosy.
However, new documents filed at Companies House this week show that things have gone into free-fall a bit since Rupert and Jerry split last summer. Jerry no longer holds any shares in whynow; her 75% stake has been taken on by Gabriel. The Sunday Times work dried up in December and because whynow fell so far behind on filing its paperwork, Companies House issued a compulsory strike-off notice for it on Tuesday.
Luckily for Gabriel, he’s pretty resilient. And has a famous father to fall back on. So now he’s pivoted to partner with Daddy instead, selling a bunch of Mick Jagger branded harmonicas. |
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| Onboard the P&O Arvia last week: Joe McElderry, who was asked during a Q&A event who he thought would win in a fight between a badger and baboon. He reckons badger. |
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| >> Net profits << |
| Those savings all add up |
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Rio Ferdinand announced yesterday that his eldest son, Lorenz, had moved out to go to Brighton’s goalkeeper academy.
Much has been written recently on how Brighton and Hove Albion is the best-run club in the Premier League – but the data-driven stewardship of gambling legend Tony Bloom runs even deeper than the current headlines suggest.
Bloom spotted that there weren’t many English goalkeepers coming through into the league (it can be an unfashionable position with less star quality and lower transfer fees) so he saw an opportunity. By hoovering up all the good teenage goalkeeping prospects he could and putting them through the academy, he would have a conveyor belt of up-and-coming keepers to fill much needed squad roles across the English league. Making Brighton a tidy profit each time. |
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| Graham Potter’s nickname at Chelsea was Hogwarts. |
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| >> Another enquiry << |
| It finally happened… |
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Back in 2017, we wrote a four-part history of the National Enquirer – putting forward our suspicion that it might end up being the thing that eventually landed a critical blow on Donald Trump.
Among the 34 charges finally levelled at Trump this week, many related to the Enquirer’s involvement in paying off former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal.
If you didn’t read our story at the time – or if you want to refresh your memory as Trump faces down these charges – the Enquirer’s history is a wild, sprawling tale that takes in the New York Mafia, DC powerbrokers, Florida hacks and suspected Russian spies. Perfect for a four-day holiday!
[Read it on Popbitch] |
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Want to help us write these sorts of longer pieces again? Join Club Popbitch, where – for as little as £4/month – you get a second weekly newsletter, daily music quizzes, play-at-home pub quizzes, plus free access to our archive – all while ensuring we stay funded through these tricky times.
[Join the club] |
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| Thanks to: deep_stoat, DP, SN, R, GoP, ulysses, L, J, N, JR, JC, C, G, RS, PD |
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Old Jokes Home
I remember watching Carol Vorderman on Countdown and getting aroused.
7 letters, not bad.
Still Bored?
Guess the pixelated album cover
[Play it here] |
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