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Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here]
The Daily Audio Quiz archive is [here] |
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“The Wombles aren’t the Beatles” – Mike Batt |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Madonna’s little monster
* From bowel to Cowell
* PLUS: Bathtime with Bobby |
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| >> Blue Monday << |
| A trip down memory lane |
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There was a fun interview with Blue in the Guardian this weekend, where Lee Ryan talked about the time he once headbutted a phone to death in the back of a car, and his infamous 9/11 comments (“Who gives a fuck about New York when whales and elephants are dying”).
We couldn’t believe the whales and elephants incident was 21 years ago. So given that both the news cycle and our inbox is currently oversaturated with bleak politics, we thought it might be more fun to take a trip through time and see what was in Popbitches past on this day in history… |
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| On this day in 2000: Tony Mortimer of East 17 was a pallbearer for Reggie Kray. (Mortimer met Reggie in jail after Kray said he liked his music; Kray went on to write lyrics for Mortimer’s post-E17 band Sub Zero.) |
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| >> Madge & co. << |
| Always on our minds |
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Madonna earned a lot of headlines today for supposedly coming out in a viral TikTok meme. Weirdly, Madge and her associates cropped up quite a bit in a number of October Popbitches too.
From Issue #182 (Oct 2003: “Madonna’s Little Monster”)
“Lourdes Ciccone is turning into a proper little madam. At a recent appearance, she demanded a diet coke. When a crew member brought her a normal coke, the seven-year-old’s reply was: ‘I said diet, asshole.'”
From Issue #370 (Oct 2007: “Boney M To The Rescue”)
C writes: “I was fortunate enough to be invited to stay the weekend on a country estate in Scotland for some hunting, fishing etc. The gamekeeper was a real character and invited some of us to his house. After a few whiskies we started to look at some of the photos around his house, many of them showing our host with serious A-list celebrities, major businessmen and the occasional world leader. Later on we were looking through some photo albums when we came across a picture of him with Guy Ritchie. ‘Why is he not on the wall?’ I asked. To which our host replied, ‘Because he’s a cunt’. And refused to elaborate.”
From Issue #417 (October 2008: “Madonna’s Milk”)
“Sean Penn has hot Oscar buzz for his portrayal of gay politician Harvey Milk in Milk. Our source on the set claims that after a kissing scene Penn called his ex-wife, Madonna, and left her a message saying that he now understood her a little better.” |
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| October 2005: K writes – “I once stood as a contestant on a game show, presented by Bobby Davro, when I was 25. After introducing myself, he commented ‘If you were my daughter, I’d still be bathing you.'” |
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| >> Stinky trinkets << |
| From bowel to Cowell |
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As a man who makes his living watching cabaret acts, you’d need to find a pretty spectacular turn to perform for Simon Cowell’s birthday. He certainly got that for his 50th in October 2009: a stripper performing a ‘reverse strip’.
The act started with her going on stage completely naked, and she then proceeded to dress herself as the song went on – pulling each item of clothing out from up inside her.
And then ended with a flourish… by pulling a necklace out of her arse. |
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| October 2006: Bono is given a new nickname within the rock fraternity “Mrs Doubtfire” (thanks to his ever-growing resemblance to the Robin Williams character). |
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| >> Cheater Ora << |
| How not to conduct your affairs |
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Calvin Harris and Rita Ora were once pop music’s big sweethearts, but it all met a very stupid end – as we revealed in October 2014.
Calvin and Rita were hanging out together in LA when she announced that she had to go back to London for some urgent filming. She packed and left for the airport – only she never actually made it there. Instead she went across town to a fancy hotel, where she took up a room with someone else and spent a few days shagging them there, before returning to Calvin’s.
She might have got away with it all too – had she not chosen to get Calvin’s private driver to drop her off at – and pick her up from – the hotel… |
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| October 2007: Steven Tyler of Aerosmith spotted at LAX being recognised as a celebrity by a security agent. When the agent asked his name, he cackled manically and claimed to be Mick Jagger. |
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| >> Amazing Grace << |
| Have you met Ms Jones? |
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Grace Jones was visiting an actress friend of hers who lived in Brighton. On the way she stopped off at a nearby Co-op to buy a packet of fags, whereupon she was approached by a fan.
“Excuse me,” the fan asked, “but aren’t you Grace Jones?”
“Darling,” Ms Jones replied, “if I was, do you think I would be shopping here?”
Somehow, despite that being the most Grace Jones answer imaginable, it worked. The fan shrugged and sloped off, agreeing that it did seem a bit strange. |
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| October 2016: Bashar al-Assad’s favourite band is Electric Light Orchestra. |
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| >> Cundy-carriage << |
| Making a good fist of it |
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When using the loos at work, footballer turned TalkSport broadcaster Jason Cundy doesn’t like to use the standard issue toilet roll they have on offer to wipe his arse. Instead, he has a more ‘bespoke’ routine.
He likes to scrunch a bunch of paper handtowels around his fist – sort of like a human cottonbud – then douses it all in water and rubs away until he’s squeaky clean.
Obviously he’d risk clogging the bogs if he tried to flush such a mucky wad away afterwards. So he throws it all in the bin instead. |
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| October 2017: Miley Cyrus says she decided to stop smoking weed when Snoop Dogg told her she smoked more than anyone else he knew. |
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| >> Popquiz << |
| This week’s audio rounds |
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Last week saw audio quizzes on U-Turns, Couples, New York and California. This week we hacked another fifty songs up into chunks and squidged the bits back together to test your pop knowledge.
There are twenty points on offer for each one: ten if you can identify the songs; a further ten if you can identify the artists. Do all five and you get a nice even 100 for the week.
Today’s theme: Past Octobers
[Play it here] |
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| There’s an archive of almost 250 quizzes on the Club Popbitch site now, so if you want to dabble with them at any time, you can find them [here]. |
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| Thanks to: C, K, wienerbalcony, bitch_with_the_accent |
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Old Jokes Home
My Spanish friend is a singer in a Kajagoogoo tribute band.
He’s amazing. Once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Limahl. |
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