The Second Serve: FarmGate

Sadly this year, as befits the realities of government, the Labour conference seemed to be a little useless for our purpose. The parties less debauched, the gossip not free-flowing.

One veteran of the circuit tells us: “It was super expensive. I only bought one drink the entire time I was there. Two beers and a single vodka soda was £27.

“The Mirror party is usually filthy but it was sanguine. The key area was The Pullman Bar between 2am-5am where you could find Wes Streeting every night – he is the only fun one. I think it’s the dynamic that’s changed – Angela Rayner now has to have close protection officers. Usually she’s the life of the party, obviously now she just goes to bed early.”

But back in Northern Ireland, where Gray once ran a pub and definitely wasn’t an MI6 spy, nobody was surprised.

Gray’s in-laws (her husband is a country singer from Portaferry) were gossiping about her resignation long before it hit Whitehall.

The news first broke as a bulletin told over the family’s actual farm gate.

Today’s headline that wouldn’t look out of place in Northcliffe House: “Proud socialist Angela Rayner bought boyfriend a suit from royal tailor”.

Surely “woman gets boyfriend a present” constitutes the dictionary definition of a slow news day – a fact 1,500 commenters have already pointed out. Even the term “royal tailor” is misleading. Redwood & Feller is, in fact, a Westminster-based suit maker whose clients are largely drawn from parliament (“six prime ministers and Denis Thatcher”, the story continued).

The author of the non-story in question, just out of interest, is Tom Witherow, nephew of The Times’s last editor John Witherow. Cosy!

The son of one prominent former MP caused quite a stink at a Labour conference a few years ago when he got drunk with a girl and went back to her hotel room. She changed her mind about having sex when they got there, saying she was too drunk and that she just wanted to sleep.

He backed off but, deeply miffed, went into her ensuite, took a huge shit on the floor by the radiator, then turned up the thermostat before leaving.

And, guess what, they have chosen some of the least cool songs in the history of pop music.

Angela Rayner.. liked Zombie by The Cranberries

Don’t Look Back In Anger by Oasis is Wes Streeting’s choice

Lisa Nandy channels Rick Astley, on Never Gonna Give You Up

This year’s event sounds exceptionally groovy; sponsored by Trainline.

nuttycow writes: “In a past life, I used to work as a lobbyist. At one Lib Dem conference, I secured a meeting with Lembit Öpik. Instead of discussing the topic at hand, he took me to one of the seafront arcades and proceeded to play pinball (and talk about pinball) for the duration of our 45 minute meeting. His aides did not seem surprised by this.”

Bear with us a couple weeks? In the meantime – here’s a link to try as many as you like

[Get them here]

[Says The Economist]

Farewell and good riddance, Amy Lamé

[Read on CityAM]

Charades on the London Overground

[Surprisingly wholesome]