The Second Serve // Last Gasp

As the government inches closer to banning smoking for future generations, there’s a tinge of sadness here at PBHQ.

It might be a filthy habit, it might be terrible for public health – but hanging out in the smoking area, cadging ciggies and bumming a light was always one of the most reliable ways to get close to celebs and milk them for gossip.

So before it gasps its last, here’s our little tribute to this dying art…

FYI: If you’ve got any good celebrity smoking anecdotes, we’re all ears club@popbitch.com

Whenever a substance ban is put into place and you need an inventive workaround to flout it, Ronnie Wood can generally be relied upon for a good solution.

As well as inventing the “beerachino” (the name he gave to paper coffee cups he filled with Guinness so he could drink wherever/whenever he wants) he also had an elegant plan for the original smoking ban.

Whenever Ronnie wanted to smoke indoors he made sure he was packing an e-cigarette. He’d loudly wave it around with great flourish while chatting away – but it was only to distract from the lit Marlboro he had tucked away, borstal boy-stylee, in his palm that he would secretly suck on.

Then, when he was inevitably approached by a manager or a bouncer, Ronnie would present them with the e-cig and say “Naw mate, these are completely legal” – and generally got away with it.

penelope writes:
“In the time when you were still allowed to smoke in restaurants, I sat in a Turkish eatery in Clapham watching Will Young smoking away and chatting to his friend. I had recently given up smoking, but couldn’t quite resist the temptation of lighting up myself. Rather than interrupting his conversation and asking for a fag, I ran across the road to buy some of my own.

“Later, puffing away and waiting for my dinner, I am interrupted by none other than Will Young asking ever so politely whether he can steal a cigarette off me. I told him my story and mentioned my reluctance to ask him for one before – to which he answered, ‘Oh, you should have done! I’m loaded!'”

T writes:
“Many years ago, we were parents at a West London prep school where Nick Cave also sent his kids. Sports day came around and there was, naturally, a fathers’ race. Many fathers came prepared, turning up in their old spikes, etc.

“The dads lined up on the start line. Nick, dressed in an immaculate black suit and suede Gucci loafers, strolled down to join them, fag on. The starting gun went off, the lycra clad horde charged off while Nick took a final drag, dropped his butt, slowly ground it out and strolled to the finish. A glorious last place, to much yummy mummy swooning.”

Usually, pop stars are encouraged not to smoke as it risks enraging the press and alienating the lucrative teen market. However sometimes they just need to be saved from themselves.

When Scott and Abz from 5ive were off shooting their video for We Will Rock You, they caused a bit of an incident in their hotel. Scott was trying to get his spiky hair looking just-so, so called Abz into the bathroom to check them over and give a second opinion. Unfortunately, Abz left the cigar he’d been smoking unattended and it accidentally set their whole room ablaze.

They tried to escape, crawling out with wet towels over their heads, when Abz had a panic about leaving his Timberland boots behind. He tried to bolt back into the room to save them, and Scott had to stop him from heading back into the blaze.

The pair ended up needing treatment for minor burns and smoke inhalation.

Smoking has always been a great way to eat up the working day, taking the odd five minute break here and there to pop out for a gasper. But Rebekah Brooks went one better and managed to use her habit to get herself hours off at a time.

When she was editor of News of The World, she liked to give the impression that she got into work early, without actually having to do it. Instead, she’d get a deputy to go into her office and half-smoke a cigarette, then leave it to smoulder in the ashtray.

That way if Rupert, or some other big cheese happened to walk by her empty office, the ribbons of smoke rising from the desk would make it look like she’d just stepped out for a second.

The differences between Noel and Liam Gallagher are many, varied and well-documented – but here’s another for the pile, regarding the brothers’ cigarette etiquette.

LIAM: One former music journo recalls the time she nipped outside from a big star-studded launch event to have a quick ciggie. Just as she was plucking them out of her bag, Liam Gallagher sidled up next to her asking if he could cadge one. She graciously offered him the pack, which he took, slipping out a single cigarette. He then handed that single cigarette back to her – before walking off with the entire (almost full) pack, giving her a cheeky wink as he went.

NOEL: A Popbitch reader backstage at a Beck gig in 1997 was approached by Noel, who politely asked for a smoke. The reader kindly obliged – and as they went to get their packet out, Noel rather sweetly pulled a fifty pence piece from his pocket, asking if he could maybe get a couple.

Also unafraid to use their star power to cadge a smoke? Steve Coogan.

He was once spotted out at the Electric members’ club in Notting Hill, elbowing himself between a couple of American tourists who were standing outside smoking. Having worked his way into their conversation, he struck up a bit of chat with them, then asked for a cigarette.

The second they sparked him up he stopped the chat and toddled right off.

We did a smoking quiz last Friday (alongside a Beyoncé Samples quiz on Wednesday, and a Jamie Oliver cooking compilation album quiz on Tuesday) – so today’s music quiz isn’t in keeping with the rest of the issue.

Instead it’s on scandal-rocked MP Mark Menzies, who got locked in a flat by “bad people” and needed his 78-year old former campaign manager to wire him £5K to get out.

You just have to identify the ten songs in the mix: a point for each title, a point for each artist. A doddle.

[Play it here]

Every diss in the new Taylor Swift album explained
[If you didn’t already know]

Betty White: Beyoncé’s secret style inspo?
[See on Twitter]

Scott from 5ive on money
[Read on The Times]