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The Second Serve: QILF

 

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“I do a lot of normal things. I go to the tip” – Stephen Graham
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe

Email stories club@popbitch.com #148 25.11.24
* Quo’s 80s gak-off

* Fucking the queen

* PLUS: Spandau’s bad vibe

>> Tory Cunts <<
A man of few words
It seemed like everyone had their own John Prescott story to share after he died last week, and Nadine Dorries was no exception.

She’s been telling people her fondest memory of the big fella, from back when she was a new MP.

Nadine was standing around in a corridor with a bunch of her new Tory colleagues, when John Prescott walked by.

Prescott looked the group of Tories up and down and said simply: “Cunts”.

 

To celebrate Coleen’s I’m a Celeb appearance – Watford fans debuted a new song to Wayne during the weekend’s match – “Shagged in the jungle, your wife’s getting shagged in the jungle…” to the tune of Guantanamera.
>> Bum Note <<
An 80s gak-off
Band Aid is about to turn 40 years old, so naturally the song’s stars have been asked to reflect on their time recording the banger that was Do They Know It’s Christmas? And naturally that time sounds like pure 80s chaos.Some of our favourite festive titbits:

– Francis Rossi (Status Quo) got caught staring at Jody Watley’s bum. Which is weird, he says, because he’s “not one of those bum blokes”.

– There were only four women in the whole room, Jody Watley of bum-staring fame, and Bananarama.

– Spandau Ballet arrived straight from the airport in a Daimler, while Sting walked in with a copy of The Observer under his arm. Gary Kemp admits they might have got the tone wrong.

– Status Quo were the most generous with the gear, providing weed and gak for the rest of the group.

– Stung by criticism of the lyrics Midge Ure claims they were written to rhyme, not to make sense, e.g. they couldn’t write “there won’t be snow in Ethiopia this Christmas time” (too many syllables).

Keira Knightley asked her parents to get her an agent at the age of three.
>> Own Goal <<
A Spur of the moment thing
Rodrigo Bentancur was slapped with a seven match ban after he made a joke about captain Son Heung-min and all Koreans looking the same.

The Guardian, lest we not forget, reported on the incident using a photo of Uruguayan Bentancur’s fellow Latin American teammate Cristian Romero.

Whoops.

TV explorer Simon Reeve on Badger v Baboon: “Against a soft English badger, a baboon every time. But if it’s a honey badger then no contest, they’re the most evil animal on the planet”.
>> QILF <<
Happy and glorious
Melvin Odoom has been parading his fancy for Carol Vorderman all around the IACGMOH campsite. But it’s not just her, he seems to have a thing for older ladies.

He once told a room full of people that he would absolutely love to go out with the Queen (Elizabeth, not the current one).

His reasoning was that she’s a classy lady and also because “she’s the queen, innit”.

Law Roche owns 20 Birkins (styling Zendaya must pay well).
>> Paddy-Wackery <<
Another Tour de Farce
You may have noticed Popbitch in the papers over the weekend – the Mail reported that we were being sued by Paddy McGuinness for a story in last Thursday’s newsletter. The Telegraph (and others) copied the Mail story.

But nobody panic. We’re actually not being sued. And we were as surprised as anyone – including Paddy’s lawyers – to read this story.

And today, Carter-Ruck emailed the media to say that the Mail article is inaccurate as their client “did not begin proceedings” and is not “taking legal action” against Popbitch.

Possibly the first time that Carter-Ruck has sent out a legal note to tell the media they weren’t suing someone!

Paddy’s reps did get in touch to tell us this story wasn’t correct. We promised to check our sources and that we’d make a correction if we’d made a mistake. So we left everything on amicable terms, until we all woke up Saturday to something of a media storm.     
>> Tension! <<
Angering the EuroGays
Kylie Minogue has said she might sue Aldi for ripping off her prosecco.

We can’t help but think Kylie has been spending too much time as a drinks mogul and not enough time as a gay icon.

As she’s gone and done the unthinkable… angered her most loyal fanbase.

How? Well she’s only gone and scheduled the first dates of the UK leg of her big 2025 world tour – on the very same week as Eurovision!

Want a free pair of tickets for the Director’s Q&A, The Contestant, Curzon Cinema. Soho, 28th Nov? Incredible documentary. Interested? Email club@popbitch.com to claim the pair.
>> Popbits <<
Audio quiz back this week!
Today’s audio quiz isn’t clever enough to have a theme. But no matter, you still have to guess 10 tracks, 10 artists. If you do, award yourself 20 points. You need a good grounding in 70s/80s funky stuff.

Play here

Kate Nash says she could make more money from OnlyFans than actually doing gigs.
>> Hmmms <<
A few quick things
Alice from Alice’s Restaurant has died[Read on the New York Times]

Model has to be rescued from cliffs when baboons steal her bag during photoshoot

[Hate when that happens]

There’s a petition to save the Moth Club from being demolished to make way for luxury flats

[Sign it here]

Thanks to: RL J CL JE
Old Jokes Home
Q: What happens when the Pope dies?

A: Another popes up.

Fancy Another?

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