The Second Serve // Sting, Styler, Snatch

This is Issue 100 of Club Popbitch. To mark it, we initially thought it might be fun to republish the 100th issue of regular Popbitch, which was full of reader-selected classics from the first few years.

However, a lot of them were stories we’ve picked clean over the years (“Tom’s putting it in now”; Kate Moss and the doorless toilet, etc). So instead we figured it might be interesting to take another look over those first 100 and see what (if anything) still raises a smile out of us.

Plus, we figured enough time had passed to answer some Big Questions from back them.

There’s one email we’ve kept in reply to issue #99 of Popbitch, that sits in a folder by itself.

It reads: “This is Geri Halliwell’s Manager, Andy Stephens. Every word of your comment in today’s ‘Popbitch’ regarding my client and indeed myself including quoted remarks is a complete and utter lie. Either circulate an immediate retraction or I shall instigate legal action for substantial damages tomorrow.”

What got Andy so irate that he would make such a heavy threat? We suggested that Geri had recorded a demo of James Brown’s Too Funky In Here.

And that he had encouraged her.

R writes:
“I was in Beastie Boy Mike D’s LA house once. He had drained the pool to make a skating rink, but you’d expect that. What was impressive was the security system. The digital display on all the control panels came with ‘Honeywell Security Systems’ as standard text.

“Mike got annoyed at the thought of giving them free advertising space and made them come out and reprogramme them.

“Now they read ‘Mike D Is Fresh.'”

Nick Beggs writes:
“During my time with Kajagoogoo I had the great fortune to hang out with all the chart toppers of the day. On one occasion I remember sitting with Spandau [Ballet] at a well known London rehearsal studio. My attention was caught by Martin Kemp who proceeded to scoop half his breakfast onto a small side-plate and cover it with a newspaper.

“On asking him why he had done this he said, ‘Well Nick. I really enjoy my food and it always seems to go so quickly, I always think to myself, that was great I could eat that lot again. And then when I look under this newspaper I find the rest and think, ‘Wow, great! I’ve still got this to eat!'”

rockinghorse_fly writes:
“When Sting was going through his Save The Rainforest period, my cousin was in a choir of schoolchildren who sang with him. After a concert, they were invited back to the Sting/Styler home. They were treated to a video of Sting performing, interspersed with scenes of Trudi giving birth.

“According to Trudi, it was good for the kids to witness the miracle of life. According to my cousin, it was a truly horrendous experience.”

While filming Star Wars, R2D2 actor Kenny Baker rarely found his time inside the droid costume particularly comfortable. So, ahead of one session where Kenny was due to be stuck inside R2D2 for the majority of the day, the crew decided to liven the experience up for him.

They muddled together a stash of porn mags, cut out some selected pictures, and covered the entire inside of the droid with a collage. Meaning that for an entire day, no matter where he looked, Kenny could see nothing but fannies.

Q1/ Who spends evenings on tour with “the United Nations”? This is his code to the tour manager for three prostitutes: one white, one black, one Asian. (Van Morrison)

Q2/ Which Star Trek officer likes to pay high-class prostitutes to pleasure themselves with a large dildo while he reclines in an armchair listening to classical music? (William Shatner)

Q3/ Which comedian once disgraced himself in a hotel room by defecating in a kettle? (Bob Mortimer, who actually made a joke about one of their characters doing this in their BBC sitcom House Of Fools)

Last week, we brought you music quizzes on the topics of The Joneses, Double Names, Air Guitar Classics and more.

This week, we’ve got another five ready to go for you. Each two-and-a-bit minute mix contains nuggets from ten songs. All you have to do is determine what the songs are called (a point per title) and who performed them (a point per artist).

Monday’s Theme: Funky Drummers – songs that use the classic James Brown sample

[Play it here]

Fun little game: Guess the Wikipedia page from as little information as possible
[Play it here]

Headline Of The Weekend: Orcas Pummel Boat After Crew Tries To Deter Them With Heavy Metal Music
[Read on HuffPost]

An interview with the longest serving madam in America
[Read on Vice]

Comedy Wildlife Photograph Of The Year 2023
[Here are the finalists]