New To Club Popbitch?
Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here]
The Daily Audio Quiz archive is [here] |
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“People are very nice, but no-one believes I wasn’t fired” – James Corden, on his return to London |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Parliamentary cat rentals
* Radiohead’s limited pressing
* PLUS: Some Big Answers |
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>> C-suite << |
Premier potty mouth |
And so we say farewell to Joe Kinnear, the man responsible for the greatest press conference in football history. Potentially history full-stop.
When he was appointed as Newcastle manager in 2008, he turned up to meet the press with the following exchange:
JK: “Which one is Simon Bird?”
SB: “Me.”
JK: “You’re a cunt.”
SB: “Thank you!”
He carried on in much the same vein, swearing an average of once every six seconds, racking up 53 fucks, 4 cunts, a bastard, 3 bollocks and a few craps.
A top-class showing which earned Joe Kinnear the nickname “JFK”. |
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Frankie Dettori just rode six winners in a row in California. Total odds if you’d backed them all: 77,000-1. |
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>> Oil/slick << |
A very limited pressing |
A little bit of indie rock farming news: Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead has had a rough year at his olive farm in Italy. The harvest was bad in 2023, which has severely impacted their olive oil yield.
Undeterred, Jonny has used Radiohead’s tried-and-tested method to flog it. He’s releasing the olive oil as a limited run – a pressing of 550, each individually signed, with exclusive artwork by Stanley Donwood (who has done all of Radiohead’s album covers). |
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First the Groucho announces plans to open a satellite club up there; now Katie Price is eyeing up a move to Wakefield too. Wakey Wines’ TikTok is about to get a lot more star-studded. |
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>> Troubler brewer << |
Julia looks on the bright side |
The pink ukulele strummer isn’t the only person bringing the mood down at TalkTV. It won’t come as any great shock to learn that Julia Hartley-Brewer has been adding to the general malaise at the channel as it enters its final few weeks.
The ever-tactful Julia has been crowing to colleagues about how glad she is they’re ditching the TV side of things, and how much she’s looking forward to returning to her old radio studio, away from all the autocues and cameras that she never got used to.
Weirdly, this silver lining isn’t providing much solace to the colleagues who have lost (or are about to lose) their jobs. In fact, they’re find it rather grating. |
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In a world where no-one accepts blame for anything any more, it was refreshing to hear Tottenham owner Joe Lewis plead guilty at his insider trading case. “I broke the law… I allowed my hubris and childish exuberance to impede my judgement. I offer no justification for my actions nor any excuse for my behaviour”. |
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>> Masked singer << |
The prince and the popstar |
Hong Kong officials have been desperate for some good press after the bungled Inter Miami/Messi debacle earlier this year, but their prayers have very much gone unanswered.
They recently put out a press release announcing that a wealthy sheikh had chosen Hong Kong to launch a new $500m office: the “28 year old nephew of Dubai ruler Sheikh Mohammed, Sheikh Ali Hashed Rashid Ali Saeed”.
But when the big day approached Sheikh Ali was a no-show. “Urgent matters” in Dubai had called him back home. Doubts naturally began to spread about whether or not the young Sheikh was quite who he said he was – but they went into overdrive when internet sleuths discovered footage of an Emirati pop star who had made it big in the Philippines.
While questions still linger about whether Sheikh Ali has the family connections he claims, the $500m to invest in foreign markets or any intention of coming good on the promises he made Hong Kong officials – one thing does seem pretty certain…
Sheikh Ali Hashed Rashid Ali Saeed appears to be the Michael Jackson-loving pop singer Alira. |
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Local Oxford rumours suggest that Prince George is set to attend St Edwards. It’s got a reputation for being the ideal home for the posh, rich, thick but sporty. So we’ll wait to see how good a fit it is. |
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>> Big Answers << |
Who wants to know? |
From PB1173:
“Which image-conscious DJ put his work experience kid to good use: getting them to apply scalp dye to his treacherously thin hairline?”
Steve Wright
From PB1178:
“Which of the OG Gladiators was giving demonstrations of her impressive muscle control way back in school, bringing much joy to classmates with her ability to fanny-fart on command?”
Lightning
From PB1180:
“Which media gobshite – usually so hard to shut up – has been extremely quiet about the £19,000 they’re having to pay after another failed adventure in libel law?”
Laurence Fox |
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Wise Words Of The Stars, pt. 593: “Never leave a pub without having a pee” – Andy Burnham |
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>> Cat and house << |
The gift of Patrick and Atlee |
A writes:
“Just thought it was worth noting following the revelation that Sir Lindsay Hoyle has a butler with a butler that the speaker also had a massive Maine Coone cat called Patrick that roamed the Houses of Parliament and was regularly lent out to MPs in need of animal companionship.
“Patrick passed away last year but Sir Lindsay has a new cat called Atlee that has taken his place in Parliament. It’s a rare positive story from that place.” |
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Mazluvvy writes: “It’s not just PWC whose consultants like to leave phantom poos. When working at The Mirror in the late 90s, the Cap Gemini consultants regularly left unflushed turds in the loos at Buckingham Street. Obviously we renamed them Crap Gemini.” |
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>> Popbits << |
This week’s audio quizzes |
Last week we had quizzes on topics such as Sampled Dialogue, Honey and Now That’s What I Call Power Ballads. This week we’ve got another five lined up for you to tackle.
The rules are simple: we smush ten songs together. You listen and pick out the titles and artists. Give yourself a point for each title and a point for each artist you get right. Ten songs; twenty points.
Monday’s Theme: Streets
[Play it here] |
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>> Hmmms << |
A few quick things |
A new Prince and New Power Generation song
[Listen on YouTube]
Local News Story Of The Weekend: Mother Daughter Duo Arrested For Illegal Butt Injections
[Houston, TX]
Interesting interview with Sananda Maitreya (fka Terence Trent D’Arby)
[Read on The Guardian] |
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Thanks to: A99, IB, BH, A, deepstoat, mazluvvy, gentlemanthug |
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Old Eclipse Jokes Home
I’ve bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav, but it’s crap.
It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart. |
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