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“Anybody who says they’re in entertainment and doesn’t love attention? Fucking liar” – Ashton Kutcher |
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Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Ozzy’s final curtain
* Ghislaine’s rope supply
* PLUS: The Goodman confusion |
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>> Sketchy behaviour << |
Almost live from New York |
If you thought Prince Harry’s recent US media tour brought shame upon himself, his family, the institution of the monarchy and Britain at large, then you’ll maybe take comfort in knowing that it was nearly much, much worse.
Harry was in talks to host Saturday Night Live last month – and things got a lot closer to air than you might expect. |
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Bonnie Tyler is rumoured to have bought a penthouse apartment in a new development in the Algarve. The name of the road the development backs onto? Rua Sir Cliff Richard. |
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>> Sleazy does it << |
Getting a head-start |
The narrative building around the Labour Party is that they’re very much a government-in-waiting, all but guaranteed to win the next election. Labour frontbenchers are starting to act accordingly too. They’re already getting some sex scandals lined up so they can take over exactly where the Tories leave off.
One shadow cabinet member has started shagging someone from Parliamentary security, while another has been putting it about so much over the last few months that his wife has finally had enough.
Plus ça change… |
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Dolly Parton used to send Xmas gifts to the cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which British YouTuber should make certain they have the right visa for their next trip to the States? If future leisure visits go anywhere near as viral as their last one did, immigration officials are likely to have some pretty probing questions. |
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Why do 1000s of customers love the Soft & Smooth Bedding set from Rise & Fall? It’s made from silky smooth extra-long-staple cotton. It gets softer with every wash. It’s made with 100% renewable energy. It’s 2-3x cheaper than other luxury brands. It comes with free delivery & returns. These always sell out! Get yours now.
[Buy now at Rise & Fall] |
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>> Meat cute << |
The end of offal flinging |
Ozzy Osbourne has announced he’s played his final gig and has retired from any future touring. It marks the end of a hell of a live career.
Ozzy’s first job was in a slaughterhouse – work which inspired him in some of his solo tours to throw raw meat at his audience. On one tour, his contract stipulated that 25 pounds of calves’ liver and pigs’ intestines were to be provided at each venue.
As the tour continued, fans started reciprocating – bringing their own meat to throw back at him. Then they started bringing dead frogs, cats and snakes. Security had to turn one guy away because he was trying to get in with a severed ox’s head. |
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Ozzy once took a shit in a hotel elevator, while hanging out with Mötley Crüe. When questioned about it, he calmly explained to the hotel manager: “It’s alright mate. I’m a resident.” |
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>> Double trouble << |
Celebrity doppelgängers |
Further to last Thursday’s story about Martin McDonagh getting mistaken for Sting on a flight, we’ve had a number of similar stories in about celebs who have been confused for others…
* Alan Bennett says if he’s ever approached by a fan in an art gallery, he’s learned to sign anything they give him “David Hockney” so as not to disappoint.
* Before she was famous, Katy Perry used to get into clubs because people thought she was Zooey Deschanel.
* Daniel Radcliffe has been handed pictures of Elijah Wood to sign (on which he wrote “I am not Elijah Wood, Daniel Radcliffe”).
* Claudia Winkleman has been known to sign autographs as Davina McCall.
* Samuel West gets fanmail intended for Dominic West.
Know any other celebs who are constantly mistaken for someone else? hello@popbitch.com |
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According to campaign paperwork filed this week, Kanye West received zero donations to his presidential campaign in the last quarter of 2022 (the InfoWars/”I Like Hitler” era). |
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>> Bad sign << |
The Goodman confusion |
JT writes:
“I was once on a flight from LA to Toronto at the start of the Toronto Film Festival, spotting stars left and right. As I walked down the aisle to take my seat, I passed John Goodman.
“As it happened, I had left London at very short notice just as one of my best mates from Sydney had arrived, having spunked a fair chunk of his savings to visit for his 40th birthday. The weird thing is that this mate bears an uncanny resemblance to John Goodman and hates being told of it.
“About an hour into the flight it dawned on me I could make it up to my buddy, so crawled respectfully towards the big man with a pen and a sick bag on which to write. I apologised profusely to him for the intrusion and explained my dilemma, when he snatched the pen and sick bag from me, scribbled hastily and, without even a sideways glance, simply grunted and shoved both back into my hands.
“I sat back down and read what I had asked him to write, which was: ‘Dear Alan. I am so sick of people saying that I look like you! Happy birthday. Cheers.’ And then where he had signed it ‘George Wendt’.”
“It was Norm from Cheers.” |
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Hate your neighbours, but also hate spending money? Pick My Postcode is the UK’s FREE daily lottery. Over half of the UK’s postcodes are now registered, so your neighbours might win some money without you, if you don’t sign up now. Simply enter your postcode and check back daily. Over £1.5 million has been won so far, probably by your neighbours.
[Play Pick My Postcode here] |
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>> Cheese company << |
An offer you can’t refuse |
Daily Mail political editor Glen Owen had a slightly unfortunate day in a Westminster WhatsApp group chat last week when he – seemingly accidentally – posted a screenshot of a different conversation he’d been having elsewhere on the app to fellow lobby colleagues.
Those unfortunate enough to catch it saw what appeared to be Glen and two non-lobby friends making plans for a possible threesome in a separate group chat named ‘Mafia Cheeseboard’.
It was deleted two minutes later. |
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Carrie Crowley – who co-hosted Eurovision in Ireland with Ronan Keating in 1997 – might be the first Eurovision host to be Oscar-adjacent. Her Irish language film, The Quiet Girl (An Cailín Ciúin), has been nominated for Best International Feature Film. |
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>> Ropey motives << |
A killer turn of phrase |
Staff at News UK’s broadcast division had a big meeting last week which threw up a slightly awkward moment. During a Q&A section, someone asked the Head of TV, Richard Wallace, if interviewing people like convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell from prison was really the sort of thing they ought to be doing.
To which he gave the following answer:
“Actually, I think we held to her account. We gave her enough rope to hang herself. We… forgive me, that came out wrong.” |
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Nominative Determinism of the Week: The editor of Crop Production Magazine is… Lucy De La Pasture! |
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>> Death becomes her << |
The curse of Daphne Barak |
If she isn’t already, Ghislaine Maxwell should start sleeping with one eye open as that interview on TalkTV may well have sealed her fate. Not because of what she said in it, but because of who she said it to.
Despite having Jeremy Kyle’s name and face plastered on it, the interview was actually conducted by Daphne Barak. Daphne is known in tabloid circles for pitching these types of interviews around and has form for inserting herself into a certain sort of story.
In fact, there’s an eerily common thread running through a number of the subjects she’s been drawn to in the past. Amy Winehouse. Aaron Carter. Bobbi Kristina Brown. Michael Jackson. Jeffrey Epstein.
Even being friends with Daphne is dangerous enough. Shortly after she wished her pal Jay Leno a speedy recovery from the third degree burns he suffered in a fire that broke out in his garage recently, Jay endured his second life-threatening accident in as many months – breaking multiple bones by crashing his motorbike. |
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Like a little extra Popbitch in your life? Join Club Popbitch – where members get an extra weekly mailout, daily music quizzes and full access to the Popbitch site and back catalogue, all for as little as £4/month. Interested?
[Join the club…] |
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Thanks to: BB, CD, DM, wienerbalcony, SK, PD, HJ, AB, WK, TH, bitch_with_the_accent, DB, G, JM, DJ, anon, JT |
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Old Jokes Home
A chef asked me how I like my steak. I said rare.
So he served me panda.
Still Bored?
The Wonders of Google Street View
[Odd places, collated] |
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