Right Wing Ibiza

How did the illustrious sex menace Tim Westwood celebrate Valentine’s Day this year? The way that any self-respecting illustrious sex menace would, of course – by hanging out backstage at Chris Brown’s O2 gig!

FYI: It’s not only ancient old pervs heading out to see Chris on his UK tour. Harry Kane got tickets for a show too.

A couple of weeks ago, we mentioned that dance music dahling Fred Again was having trouble keeping details of his fancy family tree off his Wikipedia page. As he’s clearly keen to keep a tight rein on his public profile, here’s a little bit of free reputation management advice for him.

If, after playing a couple of well-publicised sell-out shows in Sydney, you and your entourage decide to go to a local strip club, it’s a bad idea to try to use star power to cadge free drinks and dances from the women working there. If someone offers you a freebie, fine. But asking to be given things in exchange for a tag on Instagram is awfully gauche – and leaving no tip is inexcusable.

Debrett’s would be appalled.

Which global pop icon once had her security goons nick a disgruntled PA’s passport – so the PA couldn’t quit and fly home?

In last week’s Big Question we described the act of “top-decking” as taking a shit on top of the closed lid of a toilet. As dozens of readers were quick to tell us, this is not what top-decking is.

Top-decking is the act of taking a shit inside the toilet’s cistern, leaving the hidden turd in there to work its stinky magic – flush after flush after flush.

Our understanding of the kooky popstar story is that she did leave her turd on the toilet lid, as we stated, for management to find. That isn’t top-decking though; simply a good old-fashioned dirty protest.

We regret the error.

FIFA bosses are often portrayed as being unflinching and unfeeling, insensitive to the world around them and immune to criticism – but that’s not quite the case with current head Gianni Infantino.

At the start of the Qatar World Cup, Gianni insisted that TV footage had to broadcast images of him at each match. Unfortunately, this plan hit an early snag. When the footage of him came up on screen in the actual stadiums, fans started booing. Clearly they hadn’t been impressed by his ridiculous “I feel Qatari, I feel African, I feel gay, I feel disabled” speech.

The booing stung Gianni’s ego to such an extent that, after those first matches, the story goes that FIFA made sure that images of him hobnobbing with world leaders at games continued to be broadcast to the people at home, but were never relayed on screens in the stadiums to stem the boos – and spare his feelings.

With S Club 7 reuniting for a 25th anniversary tour, we figured you might want to know what they’d all been up to since the band’s heyday.

JON: Did some West End work; shagged a couple of Popbitch readers; worked for a time at Godstone Farm in Surrey (until they decided to put down his favourite llama and he handed in his notice).

PAUL: Formed a nu-metal band called Skua, sold his old S Club merch on eBay; re-joined, left, then re-re-joined S Clubs 7, 3 and 4.

BRADLEY: Came and judged a Popbitch karaoke night; has since become a crypto evangelist.

HANNAH: Starred in the kids film Agent Cody Banks 2; was sent fan mail, written in crayon, from someone pretending to be a child asking her for nail clippings for a “school project”.

TINA: Released a solo single called Fire; presumably spent most of the rest of her time in cryogenic stasis.

RACHEL: Recorded an album called Tasty Tunes – a collection of songs “aimed at encouraging toddlers to try new healthy foods”.

JO: Big Brother racism row; a strangulated bowel; and the last one standing on the PA circuit, playing solo gigs as recently as October 2022.

Vanessa Feltz and Ben Ofoedu’s ‘shock split’ hasn’t come as a shock to everybody. The only shock for those who have worked with Ben over panto season is that this hadn’t happened sooner.

It became an ongoing company joke on one show about how many ladies Ben could get through over the festive season. One Xmas party he did particularly well, snogging three dancers, groping another and leaving with one of the backstage team (all fully consensual – and he was good fun to have around…)

Sly references to his pulling prowess even started creeping into the script. He was fully happy to laugh along with it as it helped his reputation among female staff. Except for the day Vanessa was in to watch the show. Then there was an awkward onstage pause before the cast moved past it.

If you think the Richard Sharp/BBC Chairman story is just another dull old scandal about Tory mates bunging each other big wedges of cash, that’s only because his fun side has yet to be shown.

On the sly, Richard is a bit of party boy. He throws big private house parties in Ibiza with DJs and a steady flow of models, influencers and club girls. Sadly for us proles, NDAs are drawn up for guests who want to attend – so we don’t get to find out what went on there.

One place where details might be found is a WhatsApp group named “Right Wing Ibiza” – which is stuffed with Tory donors, financiers and media establishment types, including our boy Sharp.

mumbosteve writes:
“An ex-colleague who used to travel a lot for his job bumped into Gareth Gates at an airport during the height of Pop Idol mania. His daughter was a big fan so approached him with boundless enthusiasm. ‘Gareth! Hi Gareth! My daughter loves you, can she have your autograph?’ Said colleague was told in no uncertain terms to ‘fuck off’. Feeling sad for his daughter and shocked at Gareth’s rudeness he got his flight.

“Telling the tale to his daughter back home he quickly realised why Gareth was so frosty. It was Will Young. He had asked Will for Gareth’s autograph.”

Popbitch started in 2000 and by 2001 the email and messageboard had become so popular that the costs to run them overwhelmed us. We appealed to PB readers for help. One of these readers was a music producer called Dominic Hawken, who had co-written Stay Another Day for East 17. A tech wizard, he’d bought a cold war nuclear bunker and filled it with ultra secure servers, and offered Popbitch space here for free. We became not just business collaborators but lifelong friends. Many readers will have met or got to know him – perhaps as “Big Dog” on the board.

We are so very sad to have to tell you that Dom died last week. A particularly aggressive cancer took him at 55. He was such an important part of our story, and such a warm, generous person. We’ll miss him, and want to send big love to his family.

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