The Second Serve // Knicker Sniffer

In choosing a month-by-month format for this year’s annual round-up, it meant a few fun gossipy stories that shared a news cycle with something more notable didn’t quite make the cut. Rather than sending them straight off to the vault, we figured you might like to see some of the other stories that were under consideration…

The announcement that Steve Coogan would be playing Jimmy Savile in an upcoming BBC biopic was met with very mixed reactions – but there’s no denying it’s an inspired piece of casting.

At the start of the year, Steve had a new girlfriend he was showing off to friends and acquaintances: a notably young art college student. Rather than trying to brush over the very obvious age-gap between them, Steve chose to tackle it head-on instead, cracking gags about it himself before anyone else got the chance.

By joking that she was his daughter.

One of the things that Prince Harry seemed most angry about in his infamous Oprah interview was the fact his dad didn’t want to fund him any more when he decamped to North America. It’s not hugely surprising that this rankled, as Harry’s tightness with money is legendary.

Harry’s ex, Cressida Bonas, told friends that one of the most difficult things in their relationship was his expectation that she’d buy a lot of their dinners, even when he was a multi-millionaire prince and she was a dance student.

Like most of the Royals, he very rarely carried cash so even when they did something as cheap as go the cinema, she generally ended up paying.

Alison Moyet was given an MBE in June. It’s not a patch on her other big honour – being used as the sign to denote the women’s bogs at the Basildon branch of Pizza Express – but she’s fully deserving of it.

Many, many moons ago, Alison once struck up an eye-popping conversation with a Popbitch reader at a party with the charming opener: “‘Ere, how big’s your cock? It’d need to be be a big one, ‘cos I got a very wide cunt.”

2021 saw the world go mad for non-fungible tokens, with everyone tripping over themselves to release their new work as an NFT. Although some big ticket items have been shifted, it’s worth remembering not every single crypto fad is a guaranteed success.

There was an excellent story in Record Of The Day this year about Bjork’s album Utopia. When Bjork released it in 2017, it came with bonus cryptocurrency. Fans who managed to hold on to the 100 Audiocoins she gave away with each copy are now the proud owners of cryptowallets worth a grand total of… 4p.

One of the greatest interview snippets of the year came from Liz Phair, who said “That Oasis album, (What’s The Story) Morning Glory?, was a great record. And they’re also dickheads, which I know personally.”

What’s this first-hand evidence of which she speaks? Maybe it refers to her experience of playing a gig with the Gallaghers in 1993 when they were supporting her in Manchester – and she returned to her dressing room to find Liam in there, going through her knickers.

Richard E Grant’s new BBC4 series Write Around The World got some glowing reviews, mostly on account of the fact he’s a very genial host. The same appears to be true in real life too.

Many years ago, a cabbie got called to make a pick-up at Richard’s home address. When the cab arrived, Richard popped out to greet him and asked, “How much to Archway?” The driver told him it would be about £35, so Mr Grant peeled off 40, told him to keep the change – and then politely added, “Please, don’t argue with them.”

The driver was then presented with two steaming Glaswegians, who staggered out of his house and into the waiting cab, where they spent the entire journey home loudly discussing which of them should be the one to ring Richard the next morning to apologise for throwing up on his carpet.

Netflix’s next big period piece is being billed as a “raunchy” remake of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Given that the source material was the subject of a landmark obscenity trial at the Old Bailey, the raunch bar is already set pretty high – but casting The Crown’s Emma Corrin might be just the thing to help them clear it.

Emma and a guest took up an AirBnB in Margate over the summer for what appeared to be a discreet romantic getaway. By the time it came for them to check out though, the place had clearly been put through its paces. Things had been smashed, the walls were covered in all sorts, substantial amounts of damage had been caused throughout.

Which doesn’t bode well for their AirBnB rating, but is a promising sign for Netflix.

Laura Whitmore did her annual photo opp at Dollis Hill tube station, having someone take an Instagram shot of her en route to the National Television Awards. We’d have thought taking public transport in a pandemic would have been more hassle than it was worth for a celeb. Wear a mask and risk smudging your make-up ahead of the red carpet? Go without one and risk sparking a scandal?

The truly savvy celeb move, we suppose, would be to go to Dollis Hill station and pose for some shots to make it look like you’re boarding a train, but then hop back before the doors close and letting it go by. Maybe you even do it twice, letting two trains go by, just to make sure you’ve got the perfect shot – before heading back out onto Burnley Road to take alternate transportation.

That way you’d get your fun pictures for Insta, secure a guaranteed #relatable #goals angle for your press coverage and still get to travel in style and safety to your awards bash.

It’s genius, really…

Because of Christmas, we haven’t quite mapped out exactly what this week’s audio quiz themes will be – but we’ll work it out as we go.

You can always find the most recent quiz [here]

Today’s theme is Years – with the title of each song relating to a specific year (or years).