New to Club Popbitch?
Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here] |
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“I wish I’d gone to university, but that was about the time I discovered the Smiths” – Pete Doherty |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Return of the Stalkermums?
* A million hypnotic booties
* PLUS: More art Stunts… |
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| >> Step up << |
| Swipe, 6, 7, 8! |
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Now that he’s a single man, Rylan got to enjoy a bit of his Eurovision downtime in Turin on Tinder.
Sadly, we don’t think he matched with any of our sources on the ground there – but we did learn one thing from it. Rylan’s Tinder profile picture is of him and Claire from Steps. |
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| If Space Man makes it into the UK Top Ten this week (it’s top five in the midweeks) it’ll be the first UK Eurovision entry to do so since Scooch’s Flying The Flag in 2007. |
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| >> Carnal karaoke << |
| More mystery men unveiled |
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Seeing as Ben from A1 was revealed as one of the mask-wearing yellow wolves of Norway’s Eurovision entry on Saturday, enough time has probably passed that we can unmask him as one of the stars of an early Popbitch Big Question too.
We can’t find the exact story in the archive, but Ben was the boyband member who once shot a private video of a fellow popstar giving him a blowie, using his knob like a microphone and singing one of her better known hits into the tip of it. |
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| It’s no surprise that Ben wanted to remain anonymous at Eurovision. He suffered from Stalkermums after A1 split, receiving pair after pair of pants in the post. Not from fans of the band, but from the fans’ horny mothers. |
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| >> Cheeky girl << |
| Booty so hypnotic |
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As expected, Ukraine got an overwhelming amount of support in the public televote at Eurovision – with 28 countries giving them the maximum 12 points.
The UK was the jury darling of the night – despite someone’s* best efforts to nobble the delegations.
But Spain came top of the pack in one very important metric too. The first performer to rack up a million views of her performance on YouTube? Chanel. Her arse-heavy choreography snatched that crown in just four hours. Two hours before the contest’s actual winners.
* Fingers are currently pointed at Azerbaijan (previous form) and Malta (dad named in the Paradise Papers). |
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| Graham Norton was keen to point out that Måneskin didn’t turn up for Eurovision rehearsals, but we didn’t hear anyone mention that they also got stuck in a lift for 20 minutes on the Friday. |
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| >> Oaky dokey << |
| Definitely dickilicious |
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We didn’t want to subject Peter Andre’s poor pecker to further scrutiny in front of everyone in Thursday’s newsletter, but we figured we could share this little titbit with Club Popbitch members.
Rebekah Vardy said under oath that she’d lied about Pete’s size in the press and there’s an incredible passage in Katie Price’s autobiography Jordan: A Whole New World that backs that up. To quote Katie:
“My eyes widened as he peeled off his boxers, revealing his huge cock. My joke in the jungle about him having an acorn-sized one had thankfully been wildly off the mark! Less of an acorn, more of an oak! It was long and thick – it was definitely dickilicious!” |
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| Celebrity fan of al fresco pissing: Shirley Manson from Garbage. |
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| >> Cunning Stunt II << |
| Home is where the art is |
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Although his money laundering court case has gone a bit quiet in the shadow of all the Wagatha Christie spectacle, we’re still hearing some incredible stories abut Petra Ecclestone’s art-dealer ex-husband, James Stunt.
One way James was reputed to have shored up the value of the worthless items in his art collection was to lend them to a posh person he knew and have the painting sit in their country pile for a while. James would then ask for it back and sell it on to one of his New Money contacts somewhere around the world, heavily namedropping the posh person who’d borrowed it as a stamp of aristo authenticity. |
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| Petra Ecclestone and James Stunt used to live in Aaron Spelling’s old $100m mansion in LA. The place was so big they used electric golf carts to get around the house. |
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| >> Shifting Sands << |
| Hawthorn in the side |
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On Thursday we mentioned that the reputation management company that tried to use Popbitch to leak negative Amber Heard stories on behalf of their client Johnny Depp (Hawthorn Advisors) is the same one responsible for stuffing 10 Downing Street with its current slate of special advisors and comms staff.
Perhaps we were a little unfair though, because it isn’t as if No.10 are the only ones who make use of Hawthorn’s services. No.11 does too.
When Rishi Sunak’s wife, Akshata Murty, got hit full-force with her tax-dodging/non-dom shit storm last month, she hired Sarah Sands to act as her PR advisor. Sarah generally gets referred to in articles as the former editor of the Evening Standard or Radio 4’s Today programme. They’re notable positions, but ones that often get mentioned in favour of her current gig: partner at Hawthorn Advisors. |
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| According to Goldie, Virgil Abloh was a huge fan of 90s Brit drum’n’bass duo Kemistry & Storm. |
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| >> Popquiz << |
| This week’s audio rounds |
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Last week saw audio rounds on the themes of Eurovision, Comedians and Room 101. This week sees another five 3-minute mixes comprised of off-cuts of all the weird and wonderful pop we can lay our hands on.
Monday’s theme: Nile Rodgers
[Play it here] |
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| There’s dozens and dozens of these sorts of rounds ready to play in the Club Popbitch archives. Melt your mind with it! Get a hundred awful earworms lodged in your brain at once! [Play them here] |
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| Thanks to: CR, AW, wienerbalcony, RMJ, AC |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ What’s the most common Asian stereotype?
A/ Sony |
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