The Second Serve // Difficult Names

Hopefully Thursday’s story about David Beckham being refused a blender by the kitchen staff at Soho Farmhouse didn’t make them look too inhospitable, because the level of service usually offered to their members really is impressive.

Apparently the most commonly found objects left in the cabins by cleaners at Soho Farmhouse are sex toys. All of which are then cleaned, packaged and returned by post to their owners.

There’s obviously a lot of very serious allegations being levelled at Dan Wootton at the minute, but there’s also a couple of lighter, funnier ones being levelled at him too – and we don’t want those to slip through our fingers while the gloves are off.

A PR who works for a cosmetic enhancement company has been telling people Dan Wootton once finagled a free hair transplant off them – agreeing to get one in exchange for some free promotion, then being slippery about mentioning it after the procedure was complete.

[In fairness to Dan, he clearly relented]

This weekend was 16 years since the death of Popbitch legend the Rev Goatboy, so let’s revisit some of his classics – and one titbit we just found in a 20 year old email…

* Frosty Reception
“Sir David Frost was a fan of premium line numbers and once ran up a £3,000 phone bill in one weekend. YTV eventually paid but wouldn’t allow him near a phone again.”

* The DFA Knob
“When Lemmy soundchecks, the sound engineers always ask whether the DFA levels on the bass are OK. You may not recognise this technical term immediately, as it in fact stands for ‘Does Fuck All’ and has been a source of amusement to Motorhead’s crew and band for years.”

* The Spoffle
“Many moons ago, when Hugh Laurie and Sir Stephen of Fry were just becoming ‘known’, they were interviewed on a BBC radio show. Mr Fry asked what the foam covers on the end of the mics were called. To which Mr Laurie said, “They’re called ‘Spoffles’ and they prevent what’s known as ‘Popping'”. Mr Fry, the Host and the Engineer were all impressed by Mr Laurie’s knowledge and the interview continued.

“Years passed, and once again Fry and Laurie were in a radio studio. The Engineer said something like he’ll just adjust the spoffle. Mr Laurie says, “The what?” And the Engineer explains that this is what the foam things are called. “Good Lord,” laughs Mr Laurie, “I made that word up on the spot years ago in a studio!”

James Martin has been trying to counter bullying claims that have emerged in the press over the last week, offering up the mitigating circumstances for some of his bad workplace temper – but it’s always worth taking his version of events with a pinch of salt.

The entire original print run of James Martin’s first autobiography had to be pulped days before it was due to hit shelves because he libelled his step-mother so badly in it, it was unpublishable. He claimed she burned “every scrap” of his childhood, including baby pictures, school reports, toys and clothes – an incident his lawyers clarified later had never actually happened.

U2 have long since reached a level of stardom that means they don’t have to do their own soundchecks any more. They leave their guitar, bass and drum techs (who have been with them for years) to soundcheck for them.

The techs all know the songs inside out, so have written up some parodies to perform in the band’s absence. One was written to take the piss out of Larry Mullen Jr, the drummer. Larry struggles to pronounce many of the foreign names of the venues they visit on their world tours.

Which led to a song that’s a highlight of the techs’ soundchecks: “Where The Streets Have Difficult Names”.

The recent Big Question about Tim Lovejoy stitching up a celeb on air after he’d caught them being mean to one of the Sunday Brunch researchers proved surprisingly divisive. Some further correspondence on the topic…

Countering the claim:
“Maybe he’s changed, but in [my experience] he was hardly the union rep for the underlings. If he did berate a guest for being mean to a researcher it would only have been performative, as he loves to come across as the kind of guy who would do that. There was allegedly an incident where he berated a runner with a shower of expletives in the Sunday morning pre-show briefing for messing up his breakfast order.”

Sticking up for him (sort of):
“He once played a CD I gave him of a leftfield lo-fi band I loved on the XFM Breakfast Show, even though he said his producer told him he couldn’t. He asked me to get him on a guest list at a Beachbuggy gig in Notting Hill and then didn’t turn up. But he called me the next day to apologise (hungover after a Chelsea match). A bit of a dick, but a top man.”

Last week saw audio quizzes on the themes of Baz Luhrmann soundtracks, Bollywood covers, July No.1s and the other fighters in the Sophie Ellis-Bextor/Victoria Beckham chart battle.

This week, we’ve got another five lined up for you. You just have to play the two and a half minute mix and correctly identify the ten songs that make it up. A point for each title, a point for each artist – twenty points per quiz, a hundred points per week.

Every last one of them practically worthless.

Monday’s theme: Space

[Play it here]

Cypress Hill and the Colorado Symphony
[Full show on YouTube]

Headline Of The Weekend: “Manatee Dies After ‘High-Intensity Sexual Behaviour’ With Brother At Florida Aquarium”
[6 South Florida]

An interesting question on LegalAdviceUK Reddit
[Chris Huhne II: This Time It’s Impersonal]