New To Club Popbitch?
Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here]
The Daily Audio Quiz archive is [here] |
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“I am actively anti-celebrity” – Nicolas Cage |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Jimmy Savile in disguise
* Arise, Dame Avril!
* PLUS: Blessed relief |
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>> Cleaning up << |
Scat’s out of the bag |
Since mentioning it in PB1192, Gwyneth Paltrow’s phantom Hamptons shitter has been publicly revealed as Derek Blasberg.
Tiresome attention hog that he is, we didn’t want to totally fuck Derek over by identifying him. We thought it was funnier that American high society was terrified about the upcoming onslaught of liquid Ozempic shit – rather than pinning that specific incident on a celebrity barnacle like Blasberg.
However, since his identity has been revealed anyway, there’s a little more to the story we don’t think we’ve seen written anywhere.
The reason Gwynnie broke the most sacred rule of hosting – and started blabbing about her guest’s embarrassing indiscretion? Between soiling the sheets and hotfooting it back to NYC, Derek supposedly left some money for Gwynnie’s cleaner to tend to the mess.
It was such an insultingly small amount that the cleaner complained. And Gwynnie took her side. |
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A lot of eagle-eyed Popbitch readers noticed Laura Kuenssberg was wearing a very Liz Truss-looking day collar-style necklace during the BBC’s election coverage… |
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>> Mail disorder << |
A muck spreading update |
The Daily Mail’s NYC office has really thrown itself into reporting on the Derek Blasberg diarrhoea story, but has yet to address its own dirty laundry. Luckily, we can give you an update.
News that signs had gone up all through the loos telling employees not to shit on the toilets appeared in Popbitch Thursday afternoon. By Friday morning, management had taken them all back down again.
And then the mystery muckspreader squeezed out three turds onto three toilet lids in a single day. So the signs were quickly reinstated. |
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Congratulations to Avril Lavigne for being appointed to the Order Of Canada. |
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>> Missed a sister << |
A Rees-Mogg in red |
Jacob Rees-Mogg may have been surrounded by his reality show camera crew at the election count last Thursday, but family was sparse on the ground.
Jacob’s sister clearly saw the writing on the wall, as rather than being in Somerset to support her brother, she was in Cleethorpes watching an inter-school athletics competition.
And to add insult to injury, was dressed in a striking red blazer… |
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Jon from S Club has three dogs: Bruno, Colin and Lolly. He adopted them as wild street puppies from India and spent £8k flying them into the UK during lockdown. |
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>> Beardy weirdy << |
Savile: incognito |
Kevin Bacon was in the press this weekend, talking about how he’d disguised himself to go about his business unrecognised – only to immediately find he hated not being recognised.
We especially enjoyed reading it because it gives us a chance to tell you this story we heard recently, but had no particular hook for…
N writes:
“Back in the 80s, I directed a few commercials for Scottish Rail with Jimmy Savile. We shot it at a studio in Marylebone and had arranged to have lunch at the Seashell on Lisson Grove. Just before lunch Savile said he was going to get ready. He came back with a fake beard and wig and a big army jacket.
“We went to the Seashell and people kept coming up to him saying ‘Hello, Jimmy, why are you wearing a wig?’ or ‘What’s with the beard?'” |
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Riyadh is hosting the first e-sports World Cup, which boasts a $60m prize pot. More than triple what golfers compete for in the PGA Championship. |
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>> Star-struck << |
Not an ideal role model |
You never want to be in the situation where your comments section reliably makes more sense than your coverage – but that’s where America currently finds itself, vis a vis the upcoming election.
In the Wall Street Journal this weekend:
“Some of President Biden’s donors have latched on to a ‘Star Wars’ analogy aimed at keeping nervous supporters from defecting: President Biden is like Yoda – old and frail yet wise and influential.”
The first reader comment:
“Pretty horrifying analogy, considering Yoda died in exile after being in charge when the whole Jedi order collapsed and a fascist took over and named himself emperor.” |
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Wildest Headline Of The Weekend: “Tragedy For Referee Condemned For Booking Harry Kane For Diving In Euro 24 Qualifier As His Mother Falls To Her Death While Taking A Selfie At A Ravine” |
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>> Blessed relief << |
Reliable Brian spouts off |
In the election excitement last week you might have missed a wonderful Brian Blessed interview in the Times. Highlights include:
* He eats tons of yoghurt – and has a particularly love of Bulgarian yoghurt. For breakfast and lunch.
* The most Blessed anecdote ever? He was on his North Pole expedition when a Russian submarine came up through the ice. The captain got out, took one look at Blessed and said “It’s him! Please say ‘Gordon’s alive!” So, of course, he did.
* He has a shed in his garden where he likes to invite famous people over for chats. (“I had Stephen Hawking in there once and he said to me ‘Brian, they want to put me into space, what do you think?’ I replied ‘Well Stephen, you may as well fucking go’.”)
* Says he sees Kenneth Branagh a lot; that they have a father-son relationship. (“I’m the son”)
* “You’ll never find me watching Love Island. I don’t want to waste a second of life” |
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Perrie Edwards has no sense of smell. |
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>> Popbits << |
This week’s audio quizzes |
Last week, we set you the task of naming ten songs from the Top 40 when each of the last five Prime Ministers took office. Cameron, May, Johnson, Truss and Sunak.
This week, we’re ditching politics and getting straight back into general purpose pop. For each quiz, you’ll hear ten songs – usually connected by a theme. All you have to do is name the titles and the artists. Give yourself a point for each: ten songs, twenty points.
Monday’s Theme: Norman Cook
[Play it here] |
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Thanks to: RL, SB, spudbunny, RD, RW, tinker, JW, N, MJ, leadbone, K, B |
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Old Jokes Home
My sister told me yoga is the best exercise in the world.
I told her that’s a bit of stretch. |
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