The Second Serve // The Hole Truth

One of the most exclusive gigs of the year, only a few hundred guests were invited to see Beyoncé play at Atlantis The Royal, but it was a slightly odd hotel launch party for them.

Instead of getting a full look around the soon-to-open hotel, guests were instead assigned to one of the hotel restaurants prior to the concert, eaach of which acted as a kind of holding pen. The luckier ones got one of the celebrity chef locations – like the Nobu Beach Club or Heston Blumenthal’s Dinner. However one bunch were made to spend the evening in the all-day buffet dining room, while another group got the ice cream cafe.

(We’re sure your heart is bleeding for them all, but getting to see a Beyoncé gig with bottomless Moët and caviar probably helped dampen the sting…)

It’s all trademarked celebrations and Tik-Tok friendly choreographed dances now when an EPL player scores a goal, but talking with an old sports photographer this weekend we got a bit of insight in to what happened in the 80s and 90s.

He said he’d struck deals with a small number of players (Ian Wright was one of them) so that when he was on the sidelines of the pitch they’d know to look out for him. If they scored, the player would make a beeline for this particular photographer to make sure he got the perfect celebratory shot to sell – and, in return, the photographer would give them a kickback.

A full, crisp £20 note.

Pamela Anderson has been reheating some old exclusives about her Hollywood love life ahead of her Netflix documentary next week. One of the stories going around the papers today has been Sly Stallone’s proposition to her in her early days, offering Pammy a new car and an apartment if she agreed to be his “Number One Girl”.

Pammy declined his kind offer and was smart to have done so, as Sly had a habit of treating his ladies like objects in the 1990s – and not particularly prized ones either.

The supermodel he had helping him out with practicing his golf putt, for example. He would stand at one end of the room with his club in hand; she would sit at the other with her legs spread apart to provide the “hole”.

Seems as if it might have been quicker to tell you all which government departments aren‘t caked in mystery shit, rather than go one by one through the ones that are – but the Foreign Office also joins the Tresaury, DEFRA and Education as Whitehall offices that are playing host to a feral pooper.

Signs have been put up in a bathroom at the FCO notifying staff that they are aware of two recent instances of “faecal matter” being found on the floor of the bathroom and chastising them for the “lack of respect” it shows.

Popbitch bumped into Eamonn Holmes at the Cheltenham Festival last March and he was barely recognisable at the time, immobile in a fedora leaning on an elaborate walking stick. He explained that he was trying to get through a period of ill health, with some slipped discs that just wouldn’t recover.

Eamonn was elaborating on this same condition the other day, saying he couldn’t get to the bottom of his back problems until someone got in touch on social media to recommend a surgeon in Germany – who ended up curing Eamonn’s pain.

Who was Eamonn’s social media knight in shining armour? None other than S Club’s Jo O’Meara!

Here are a few more nuggets from the Stock Aitken Waterman documentary that we didn’t have space for on Thursday.

* Pete Waterman said that Simon Cowell used to come and hang around the PWL studios for ages trying to persuade them to work with Sinitta on a follow-up to So Macho because he loved Hazell Dean’s Wherever I Go.

* Divine’s You Think You’re A Man was originally written for Gloria Gaynor

* Kylie’s biggest hit in the US was The Locomotion – which got to No.3 because they managed to get it on a Hollywood soundtrack. For Arthur 2: On the Rocks.

* Mel and Kim’s FLM (Fun Love Money) was written for Mel as her favourite saying back in the day was “FLM” – which actually stood for “Fucking Lovely Mate”.

Last week saw quizzes on the themes of Luck, Capital Cities and “Hey!”. This week, we’ve got another five lined up for you – each stripping ten songs for parts and then welding them back together into something much less appealing.

You get points for identifying songs, points for identifying artists and – in some rounds, like today’s – bonus points to really show off with.

Monday’s Theme: Dance Samples

[Play It Here]

Headline Of The Weekend: Cleaner Quit Job After Earning £16k A Month Posing As Princess Diana On OnlyFans
[One for Rio Ferdinand]

Billy Corgan’s apartment is for sale
[$11million]

Wham! x Black Sabbath
[Blam!]

AI redesigns Family Guy as a live action 80s sitcom
[Watch on YouTube]

Radiohead’s In Rainbows – recreated with the Mario64 soundbank
[Listen on YouTube]