Mark Borkowski’s Edinburgh show, False Teeth In A Pork Pie Hat: How To Unleash Your Inner Crazy, features insider gossip and stories about partying with Marlon Brando, dealing with a hammered Charles Hawtrey and exorcising the spirit of Kurt Cobain from a server farm. We’ve got a code for VIPbitches that’ll get you £5 off the ticket price too. Use POPBORK when booking. [Assembly George Square Studios, August 17-20th] |
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“I genuinely was looking at tractors” – Neil Parish |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* More Big Questions revealed
* More celebrity sink-dodging
* PLUS: John Fucking Terry |
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>> Moving out << |
Champagne in Camberwell |
Last week, we told you that the residents of Myatt’s Field who were dreading the imminent re-arrival of Boris and Carrie Johnson to the neighbourhood could relax because Boris was supposedly buying a new house on the swankiest street in Herne Hill.
How can he do that if he’s always having to cadge his wallpaper money off Lord Brownlow, you may have wondered?
Well, Boris is hoping to shortly come into about £1.6m (o.n.o.) as he’s just put their current home on the market.
[See the listing] |
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Frank Ocean’s latest merch? His luxury goods company is selling a $25,000 cock ring. |
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>> Band aid << |
Will vibe for weed |
PC writes:
“Reading your Gordon Raphael story. My friends were in an emerging Scottish band in the late 90s. They decided they needed an angle to promote their debut album, so they scrabbled together a couple of grand to get Raphael to come over and ‘produce’ the album.
“By all accounts he sat in the control booth of Chamber Studios for a couple of days doing nothing but smoking all the band’s weed, whilst letting the studio engineer record as normal. Said his thing was to just add a vibe.
“Then he left, his cash in hand.” |
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Celebrity sink-dodger, pt.694: Frances McDormand. Stissing House restaurant in upstate New York. No hand-washing after using the lavs. “Disappointing,” was the verdict. |
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>> JFT << |
John Fucking Terry |
The Bloomberg article about celebrity crypto endorsements that we linked to on Thursday didn’t include any update on how John Terry’s foray into NFTs has been going. So here’s the latest.
John’s original NFT project (the Ape Kids Football Club) minted and sold 9,999 unique ape cartoons at about £250 a pop before his relationship with the people behind it started going south. Those baby apes are now selling on OpenSea for about ~£16 each.
In its wake came a new football related NFT project (Intermeta FC) where anyone who had previously bought a now-worthless Ape Kid could get an Intermeta NFT for free. There’s been all sorts of vague promises made about World Cup tie-ins and mobile games, with John Terry occasionally popping up to assure everyone that everything was still on track.
Then last month the community got a message to say that John Terry had left the project so they were going to pivot from Intermeta FC to… erm, Poker Lions.
A bit of a shitshow, all told. But good to see football’s long-established youth-player-to-online- gambler pipeline will still exist in the Metaverse. |
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Among the celebrities who have quietly retracted their Instagram likes from Johnny Depp’s court victory statement in recent weeks… Amanda Knox. Cold. |
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>> Big Answers << |
A little guessing game |
It’s been a while since we’ve given you any answers to our Big Questions, so here’s a handful. We don’t want to be too indiscreet though, so we’ll have you mix and match the solutions yourselves.
MIX
1/ The potential Tory leadership candidate who described himself as ‘The King Of Anal’ at a previous job
2/ The member of the nobility who was recently caught in a scuffle with a security guard at Soho Farmhouse
3/ The socialite with a fashion business that’s haemorrhaging money incentivising her favourite department stores to keep her unshiftable products on their shelves
MATCH
a/ Nadhim Zahawi
b/ Baroness Carole Bamford
c/ Tamara Ecclestone
Best of luck! |
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Jennifer Aniston is 19,536 days old today. Tomorrow she hits the Meldrew Point – the age that Richard Wilson was in the first episode of One Foot In The Grave. |
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>> Secrets/Agent << |
Old dog v new tricks |
Further to last week’s James Hewitt willy revelations…
anon writes:
“My agent once tried to sign James Hewitt but decided against it in the end. A book would have made an absolute fortune in serial rights in the papers. Unfortunately, he was just too stupid to concentrate and was constantly getting pissed up and telling journalists things for free.
“She tried to explain to him that every time he did this it made the serialisation rights worth a lot less, but it never quite got through. She said it would be like trying to represent a badly behaved dog – somewhat loveable, but just too dumb to learn anything.” |
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Nominative Determinism Of The Day: The Chief Of Battle Simulations at the Combat Capabilities Development Command Analysis Centre is… Ashley Bomboy! |
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>> Popquiz << |
This week’s audio rounds |
Last week we hit our 200th audio quiz – with daily rounds on family bands, Manchester music and a celebratory boozy one for the big 200.
This week we’ve got another five quizzes lined up where, Monday to Friday, you can spend two and a half minutes trying to figure out which ten songs we’ve sent through the slicer. Ten points for getting all ten titles; ten further points for getting all ten artists.
Monday’s theme: Summer
[Play it here] |
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All 200 of those audio quizzes are collected in one place for you. Hours and hours of infuriating earworms, dreadful novelties and the occasional solid gold banger. [Play them all here] |
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>> Hmmms << |
A few quick things |
A website that recommends albums depending on your mood
[albumbymood.com]
Want to feel ancient? A rundown of celebrities’ children who are now off to university
[Read on Gawker]
The rise, fall and rise of Cameo
[Read on InsideHook]
Ended up revisiting this 80s remix of Calvin Harris x Rihanna after listening to Funk Wav Bounces Vol.2 this weekend
[Listen on YouTube] |
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Thanks to: JP, CW, bobbifleckmann, AM, JS, CV, JC, JK, PC |
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Old Jokes Home
Been sacked as the singer in a D:Ream tribute band because I kept getting the words wrong.
Oh well, I guess things can only improve.
New to Club Popbitch?
Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here]
The Daily Audio Quiz archive is [here] |
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