The Blob Side Of Life

Ed Sheeran and Elton John’s Christmas video sees a few cameos from celeb mates Big Narstie, Jonathan Ross and Michael McIntyre.

Around 2’35 they do an East 17 parody where Ed, Narstie, Wossy and Michael each get a full-screen close up in those distinctive puffy-parka jackets. This wasn’t enough to satisfy Michael McIntyre’s insatiable lust for screen time though.

For the final shot of the video – where the whole cast are dotted around the piano – McIntyre kept moving himself at the start of every take from his position next to Jonathan Ross (upstage left, by the Christmas tree) to wedge himself upstage centre, right in the gap between Ed and Elton.

Even though that meant he obscured the poor kids choir, who – as a result of his massive East 17 parka – barely got a look-in.

The trial of Elizabeth Holmes – the husky-voiced huckster who took Silicon Valley by storm, became the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire, then ploughed the whole thing into the ground when her company Theranos was revealed as a gargantuan fraud – is expected to wrap up this week.

Investors have always said that part of what made Theranos such an attractive proposition was Holmes’ personal charm, something which secured the company huge sums from serious power players like Rupert Murdoch ($125m), Henry Kissinger ($6m), Betsy DeVos ($100m) and Jim “Mad Dog” Mattis ($85K).

Despite the cataclysmic failure of the company, and her high-profile humiliation, it seems like Holmes is still managing to get by on her charms. Word from legal circles Stateside is that her lawyers quietly took on the case pro bono.

Which TV economics pundit got so sloshed on a big night out that he ended up losing both his wallet and his phone and had to borrow a colleague’s Amex to buy replacements to get his life back on track?

It was nice of The Sun to finally get involved in the No.10 Xmas Party news cycle – albeit a week late. Their reticence to speak out sooner probably has something to do with the fact that they too threw an Xmas party that was in breach of the rules last December – as both Popbitch and Private Eye pointed out in multiple issues way back in January and February.

Why are the general public only hearing about this now? Why didn’t heads roll back when the top brass at NewsUK first found out that their senior staff had arranged a forbidden festive gathering, where one married exec was seen merrily fingering a colleague 30 years his junior in his glass-fronted office, while another exec and a top-flight journo got busy in the bogs?

As we were told at the time, their stance on the matter was that as long as the story remained confined to the pages of Popbitch and Private Eye, no further action would be required.

It’s not just throwing illicit Xmas parties that the Sun and No.10 have in common. They’ve both enjoyed having a few behind-the-scenes laughs about it too.

In June, the Sun ran a fluffy human interest story about a speed-eater who broke a fish finger eating record. As a joke, to rib the senior exec who was witnessed fingering a colleague 30 years his junior at their Xmas party, they put his byline on it.

The following Thursday, Popbitch mentioned it.

Two days later? The article was mysteriously updated to remove the exec’s byline – attributing it instead to an anonymous ‘Sun Reporter’.

Paul Brand told Radio 4’s The Media Show that he had known of the Allegra Stratton video for some time before ITV released it on Tuesday. Most journalists would worry that they’d get scooped on such a big story, but his team has some pretty canny methods of keeping people off their turf.

A tactic used recently to stop other hacks sniffing around the family of the Liverpool Hospital bomber after ITV secured an interview with them was to place a fake IPSO notice (an advisory note designed to protect against unwanted press intrusion) on their door to discourage other journalists from knocking.

It worked a treat, but anyone looking closely might have noticed a little typo. Whoever mocked up the IPSO logo accidentally spelled it ‘Organization’, rather than ‘Organisation’ (as the real IPSO does).

For all we hear about cancel culture, and people losing their livelihoods over shitty things they may have said decades ago, we aren’t always so bad at giving celebrities a chance to change and grow.

Take Lewis Hamilton, for example. In his early days, he was infamous in stylist circles for pissing off crews on photoshoots for having a sulk if he was ever asked to wear anything that he felt “made me look a bit gay” (not really reading the room especially well…)

So they can hardly believe he’s the same guy now speaking out loudly about LGBTQ+ rights and wearing a rainbow helmet when driving in Qatar and Saudi Arabia.

For the last few years, Ghislaine Maxwell has caused untold embarrassment to a whole list of celebrities unfortunate enough to have been photographed with her. Prince Andrew. Piers Morgan. Naomi Campbell. Donald Trump. Prince Andrew. Geordie Grieg. Elon Musk. Kevin Spacey. Prince Andrew.

So it was strange to see the tables turned this week, when some photos were entered into evidence that might finally end up embarrassing Ghislaine for a change. A set of her giving a hand-and-tit footrub to Jeffrey Epstein.

Gaby Roslin was in at Virgin Radio covering for her old Big Breakfast pal Chris Evans this week. Someone there remarked just how much more popular Gaby seems to be with the production team.

Sounds like things are much the same as they were 30 years ago on the Big Breakfast. Every time Chris took a week off, Gaby managed to keep the ship steady and the ratings stable. Every time she took a week off though and Chris was left to shoulder things, ratings would plummet.

Among the many guessed answers we fielded to last week’s Big Question (about the politician’s son who’s been asking people in a nightclub to delete pictures of him as he couldn’t be seen to be showing up his dad) this was our favourite.

L writes:
“Is it Euan Blair? When we were in first year at uni in 2003, he introduced himself to a friend at a house party in Bristol by saying ‘Hi, I’m Euan Blair. That’s right: that Euan Blair.'”

The computer Jimmy Wales created Wikipedia on is up for auction
[A lot at Christies]

Bittersweet Symphony in an 80s style
[Listen on YouTube]

You’ve Been Framed x Drag Death Drops
[Slick edits]

Local News Of The Week: Bum Squad Edition
[Read on Bristol Post]

An indie Xmas covers mix
[Listen on Soundcloud]

Seeing as dead cats are on the tip of everyone’s tongues at the minute, here’s a story we wrote about their overblown/mythical powers in 2019
[The Dead Cat Society]

“Camels Enhanced With Botox Barred From Saudi Beauty Contest”
[Read on the Guardian]

Iman gives a tour around the Bowie home
[Watch on YouTube]

Jeffrey Epstein’s employee handbook
[Read it here]

Why has movie dialogue got harder enough to understand?
[Read on SlashFilm]

Want more pics of Ghislaine Maxwell with her celeb pals?
[There’s a dedicated Instagram account]

Still Bored?
The downloadable, play-it-yourself Popbitch Xmas Quiz 2021 is out now. Perfect for wine and cheese gatherings, unexpected leaving dos and other such superspreader events. It’s equally good at home, in isolation or with friends over Zoom.
[Just not at work, OK?]