New To Club Popbitch?
Get previous Second Serve issues [here]
The Popbitch Popquiz archive is [here]
The Daily Audio Quiz archive is [here] |
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“I’m not an actor, so the only thing I would ever consider would be a Wes Anderson film” – Pharrell Williams |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Pumping and dumping in the city
* Royal rumour inflation
* PLUS: A Big Answer… |
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| >> Dry humour << |
| It’s competition time! |
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You may have seen in recent Popbitches that we’ve been advertising Lucky Saint’s delicious alcohol-free beer. It’s also something we keep a reserve of in the PB fridge in case any of our sober pals pop by to dish some dirt. Now a lucky Club Popbitch member can enjoy a FREE CASE as we have one to give away for Dry January.
All you need to do is tell us a joke and we’ll enter you into a raffle that we’ll draw on Friday.
Send your entries to club@popbitch.com to be thrown into the hat. |
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| FYI: Joke quality will have no bearing on whether or not you win (which – given the general state of submissions to the Old Jokes Home – can only work in your favour…) |
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| >> Art trouble << |
| An Ed for investment |
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When your songs start earning you many more millions than you know what to do with, financial advisors will step in and tell you to make varied investments in a wide-reaching portfolio. Art is something that keeps its value well, but Ed Sheeran could maybe have done with being a little smarter with his investment.
He owns one of the three of these Damien Hirst sculptures, a piece valued somewhere between $3-4m. He keeps his outside in the woods by his house, so the paint has all fallen off it. (He’s getting it retouched at the moment.) |
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| Spotted: Richard Osman spotted out in Chiswick carrying a tote bag designed to look like one of his own books. |
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| >> Shitty slickers << |
| A pump and dump scheme |
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Further to Thursday’s story of the shitted-up sink at the Treasury: it turns out it isn’t the only financial institution to suffer the indignity of a mystery dumper.
Over the Christmas/New Year period of 2018/19, the FCA (Financial Conduct Authority) was struck at least four times by a phantom plopper (or ploppers). Striking on the fifth floor, the culprit would always leave a turd near – but, crucially, not in – a toilet bowl in the ladies’ loos.
This sort of activity isn’t confined to London financial types either. It’s international. One reader wrote in to tell us that they’ve heard anecdotes of much the same happening at the Central Bank of Ireland as well.
Heard of any particularly egregious shitters? club@popbitch.com |
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| Nicholas Lyndhurst – who was announced this weekend as Kelsey Grammer’s co-star in the new Frasier reboot – once had a custom-made race-car bed: a red Ferrari in mahogany. |
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| >> Q&A&Q << |
| Hostess with the ghostess |
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There’s been no attempt to conceal the fact that Prince Harry used a ghostwriter to put together Spare. What we haven’t heard much about is what help Meghan Markle enlisted to pull her Spotify podcast together.
Word from the audio world is that there are segments throughout the series where Meghan made used of a ghost host. That is a producer who asked the questions and recorded the interviewees’ answers ahead of Meghan’s arrival – then recorded Meghan asking the questions separately to drop in after. |
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| 79 year old music critic Molly Meldrum got his arse out on stage on stage at Elton John’s Melbourne gig at the weekend. Now there are calls for his arrest for indecent exposure, he’s blaming a “broken belt buckle”. |
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| >> Word of mouth << |
| These things get around |
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When a rumour spreads for any length of time, it’s liable to start growing. Details become exaggerated. Embellishments adorn it. Before you know, you end up telling a story that ends up having strayed significantly from the original.
Could that have happened with the Prince William getting shagged off of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson rumour we alluded to last week? Possibly. But only slightly.
S writes:
“I was told by a pretty good source back in the day that Tara Palmer-Tomkinson could not stop sucking William’s cock.” |
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| Most unexpected sighting at Dolly Parton’s Smoky Mountain Christmas Carol this Xmas? Ian Hislop. |
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| >> Big Answers << |
| Who wants to know? |
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Thursday’s Big Question wasn’t exactly one of our more cryptic ones (if you didn’t get the clanging great Cheeky Girls clue, then there’s no helping you) but it was Lembit Öpik.
This isn’t the first time Lembit has lost post-politics work from creeping out colleagues with inappropriate texting. What is surprising about this latest incident is that the studio shunning him is GB News – especially given the sex-pesting that some of the network’s senior talent have been responsible for in their time… |
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| When Lembit Öpik was MP for Montgomeryshire, his greatest achievement was getting the high score on the pinball machine in his local pub. He was listed on the scoreboard as “LEM”. |
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| >> Popquiz << |
| This week’s audio rounds |
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Last week saw audio quizzes on made up of Bad Cover Versions, Rap Samples and an Intergalactic special. This week sees five new ones, each a little heap of musical nuggets hacked from the pop mines to make a three minute mix.
All you have to do is identify the songs (a point each) and the artists (a further point each) to give you a potential grand total of twenty points.
What do those points make? Bot all. But you can have fun earning them.
Today’s Theme: Blue Monday
[Play it here] |
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| There’s now well over 300 audio rounds to play if you’ve got 15 or so hours in desperate need of filling. Or you can select by month and theme in the [Popquiz Archive] |
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| Thanks to: DTH, FL, KB, deep_stoat, SM, PK and an H/T to @paddyraffcomedy for the joke |
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| Old Jokes Home
Just asked the woman in Waterstones if Prince Harry’s book is available to download.
She said “PDF file?”
I said no, that’s his uncle. |
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